1. "That's when he realized he had said that last part out loud" - How many times have you seen this? Usually it's something along the lines of:
Jason didn't know why Andrew was so down on himself. Personally, he thought Andrew was awesome, really smart and really hot, and pretty much the epitome of the perfect.
"You think I'm perfect?" Andrew suddenly asked, and Jason realized he may have actually said that last part out loud.
Let me ask you a question: When was the last time you said something WITHOUT KNOWING THAT YOU ARE SPEAKING?! Seriously, is this actually a common affliction? Because personally, I'm always aware of when I've spoken or not. I'm pretty sure even deaf people know whether they've spoken out loud. I know this is a common device used to have characters reveal something that they normally would be too uptight to reveal - but, really, if Jason is too uptight to tell Andrew he's perfect, he's ALSO too uptight to speak without thinking first.
And I apologize to those who have used this - I really mean no offense - I've just seen it far too often and it's not truthful to the reality of the human experience. If you want an uptight character to reveal something, then get him drunk or angry. I always reveal things when I'm drunk or angry.
2. Do not tease an event that you are not going to write about. Example (and is basically directly from a fic I just finished reading that has no sequel and no plans for a sequel - only paraphrased and with names changed):
Jason held Andrew tightly, and he knew that this was it for him.
"My parents want to meet you," Jason told Andrew. "They want to try to understand."
"Yeah?" Andrew said.
"You don't have to," Jason said, knowing how awkward the dinner was probably going to be.
"I want to." Andrew said.
Jason kissed him and they lived happily ever after. The End.
Dude! You cannot TEASE an awkward family dinner and then not deliver! Some of us live off the drama of homophobic parents. I want to see that dinner, because until I see that Jason's parents are ACTUALLY going to get over their homophobia, I don't trust that everything is going to work out. Maybe Andrew will go there and it'll all go to hell, and Jason will have to really choose between Andrew and his parents - and he'll choose Andrew and then be estranged from his family and Andrew will feel guilty and they WON'T BE ALRIGHT. You have to SHOW the dinner so that I can say "well, yeah, that WAS awkward, but they ARE trying and everything really IS going to work out."
Is it strange that I suddenly want to write slash about two guys named Andrew and Jason? Hahaha....I'm so weird. That'll teach me to make my own examples.