I can't believe that was a MOTW. Am I just remembering incorrectly or is this season hitting it out of the park? (Don't answer that.)
Okay, usual rules apply - have been drinking, seen the episode once, don't correct me or answer questions unless I tell you to or they're super duper important... because otherwise it annoys me, that's really the only reason I have that rule. All quotes are paraphrased etc.
LET'S GET INTO IT!
The THEN is all about werewolves and reapers, so even if I hadn't been spoilered a little for this episode, I'd probably still be pretty sure what to expect - still, even with being spoilered and the THEN, I was not prepared!
We begin in media res, with Sam an' Dean fighting some werewolf types. They are having a hard time of it! And then SAM GETS SHOT! Nooooooooo..... I was like "NOW?! So EARLY IN THE EPISODE? IS THIS NOT THE CLIMAX?!"
But then we shoot backwards in time, and I'm like, oh, okay, it was totally the climax and then we're going to spend a half hour in the past - but WE DON'T EVEN.
Anyway, we're 48 hours in the past (which is actually over three calendar days) and Sam is like "hey, werewolves eating hikers!" and Dean is like "put someone else on it" and Sam is like "crap, you are SUPER worried about Cas if you don't even want to fight werewolves" (or that's what he means to say anyway. Because we all know Dean loves hunting werewolves. Sam's super supportive and is all encouraging optimist, because that is Sam's role in life... but he's like "let's hunt werewolves and clear our heads" and I'm like "SAM YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE SHOT" but he doesn't listen to me, because this episode was filmed weeks ago, and the script was written by people who don't even know me. (Specially, Dabb and Berens, who I don't think have written together before - but if this is the stuff they make, I think they should do it more often.)
Then we're back in the present with Dean doing an extremely quick field medicine job on Sam, while the civilian guy is a giant flaccid penis about everything and is like "no, come save me and my wife! we're more important than the more important person in the world to you!" What a dick. Women are tough, just (literally) hang in there, buddy.
Meanwhile, Sam is field dressing his own stomach... geez. Sam, your life is so f*cked up that you can do that.
We also find out that it's yet another den of purebloods... as much as I realize they're trying to switch up the werewolf mythology to make them more menacing, it'd be nice if they threw us the occasional old school werewolf to show that they're still out there too. Elsewise, it's like all werewolves were replaced by purebloods... THOUGH, I suppose you could headcanon that Eve may have reinvigorated the population back in S6. So, FAIR ENOUGH, geez, I recind my complaint. God.
Anyway, we flip back to the past and Sam and Dean are in snazzy suits questioning a bar tender. She doesn't recognize anyone under 40, but she directs them to some empty cabins... then she shares a look with the bouncer and Admiral Ackbar is like IT'S A TRAP! but he's trapped in the Star Wars universe and Sam and Dean can't hear him.
Jumping back to the present, we're back in the cabin, and Sam actually pulls himself off the floor so that they can go.... and GEEZ Sam. They find another cabin that's a ranger station, it appears, but the radio is dead. And then Corvin (the giant flaccid penis) is like "we should keep moving THOSE OF US WHO CAN" and Dean is like "YOU DID NOT JUST TELL ME TO ABANDON MY BROTHER!" and he insists that he's going to make a litter so that they can carry Sam to the car. Meanwhile, Sam is like "leave me! I am a liability and a martyr!" because that is also Sam's MO.
Meanwhile, the werewolf from the bar find their dead buddies and are like "ugh, you had ONE JOB GUYS!"
Dean is upset out in the woods, so he takes a calming breath...then sees the truck and is like "shiiiiiiiiitt"
Meanwhile, back at the cabin, Corvin, the giant dick, KILLS SAM, because he knows it's the only way that Dean might leave him behind. And while he's being killed, Sam is like "dude, you totally have a werewolf bit on your arm!" so Corvin KILLS HIM HARDER (in that he remembers that people can also breath out of their nose.
Then Corvin sucks at finding a pulse... and also apparently Dean sucks at finding a pulse, because Dean comes back in and is like WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE IS DEAD?! NOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Seriously guys, there is nothing worse then upset Dean. He is my boo. It's even worse when Sam becomes Sammy, and... yeah, that's Dean's little brother Sammy, all dead on the floor.
Corvin's plan almost backfires, because Dean is like "well, I guess I will stay here with the body of my dead brother, as there is no meaning left in the world"... but then the civilians are all like "but you have to save us!" and Dean is like "you know who liked saving people, Sammy" and then Dean's like "I guess I'll save you in his memory" and he does.... only ONE OF THEM DOESN'T DESERVE IT!
Back in the past, Sam is like "let's go check out those cabins - it might even be fun!" and I'm like IT WAS NOT FUN, SAM! But again, he doesn't listen, because TV doesn't work that way.
Back in the present, MICHELLE KNOWS! She totally knows that Corvin killed Sam. Dude, just in case any of you are wondering, it is a GIANT RED FLAG when your husband kills someone... especially someone who was OBVIOUSLY A GOOD GUY and had just SAVED YOU! I don't care if he claims he did it so that you'd reach help in time - THAT IS NOT OKAY.
Dean tries to give the civilians to the copper to look after and then go back for Sam, but the copper is like "no! you must explain yourself!" so Dean punches him... and then the cop tases him... and it's a good thing Dean is white.
Then Michelle doesn't know the rule of "don't talk about monsters in front of civilians" because she's all like "werewolves!" and Corvin is like "that's what that guy said" and Michelle is like "THAT GUY?! RUDE - HE SAVED US!" Then she turns away from Corvin because DUDE IS TOTALLY A MUR-DIDILY-URDERER.
Then the doctor is like "let me examine you sir" and Corvin is like "I'm good" but then she finds that he's been bitten...so...that's confirmed.
Meanwhile, Cop tries to call another cop, but that cop is dead!
Michelle goes to talk to Dean, now that he's awake (also, Dean has broken ribs and a concussion) and tries to apologize for Sam's death... and she's like "death isn't the end" and Dean is like I KNOW WHICH ONLY MAKES THIS WORSE! Of course, at this point, I had forgotten Billy's promise to fling Sam into "the empty" so probably death WOULD be the end.
But then Dean is like, I know! I'll talk to a reaper - who he calls a "scary death machine"...which, you know, is accurate. I don't remember if Dean calls it an "evil" scary death machine or if that's just Michelle, but in any case, that is INACCURATE, because Death/Reapers are a fairly neutral party, besides their current stance on not allowing the Winchesters into the afterlife.
Then we get a slow pan up of Sam's body, and I write "Sam still dead" in my notes, but then "NOPE ALIVE!"
And then I realize that Dean's about to kill himself because he thinks Sam is dead and I am totally watching ROMEO AND JULIET! Noooooooo....
Sam is not doing great.... and on top of that, the werewolves are after him!
Meanwhile, Dean kills himself. Oh Dean.
And Corvin is off changing into a werewolf - I WILL BE HAPPY WHEN YOU DIE MURDERER!
Billy comes for Dean and gives him a hard time about the whole suicide thing - and Dean's like, "don't care - I did it to talk to you so you could give Sam back!" Dean's argument is that Sam's the only one that can stop the Darkness, but when Billy asks Dean HOW Sam's going to do that, Dean doesn't have an answer... and, well, you know, this is actually one of those cases where although Sam's in the best POSITION to stop the Darkness, it doesn't actually HAVE to be him...so, yeah, Dean doesn't really have a leg to stand on.
Billy says that basically even if Sam COULD stop the Darkness, the answer would still be no, because ugh, Winchesters. Then she calls Sam Luigi to Dean's Mario... awww, cute. She calls him out on the fact that he claims saving Sam is for the greater good, but it's always just for Dean. THEN, she tells him that the kicker is that Sam's not even dead, and Dean's like WHAT?! Then she calls Sam "the big W" which is kinda cute. She tells Dean to come with her into the empty, but then the doctor manages to save Dean. Yay!
Meanwhile, the werewolves are coming for Sammy... so he hides in the basement, lures them down one by one, and then kills them. And I realize that I'm not watching Romeo and Juliet, I'm watching a Sam version of the REVENANT!
Dean wakes up from his suicide attempt and asks for car, and the cop and the doctor are like "how about no!" and then the cop is like "sedate him!" and the doctor is like "uh, no, he just ODed, I'm not giving him drugs!" and so they go to have WORDS OUTSIDE... meanwhile leaving Dean cuffered to a rolly thing and Michelle free to access surgical tools that could cut handcuffs, apparently... or at least let Dean escape. So, good job cop.
Meanwhile, Sam is now driving while bleeding out...and he drives all the way to the Impala, where there was a weak cell signal... and he calls Dean and tries to tell him Corvin is a werewolf, but we can't tell if the message gets through. So, Sam jumps in the Impala and drives away... I'm guessing Dean had either left the keys in the car or Sam finally has a spare set after all these years.
Corvin, meanwhile, doesn't know how to keep werewolfism on the down-low. So, he reveals himself to the doctor and then seemingly knocks her out... also, this hospital is SEVERELY UNDERSTAFFED... there wasn't even a guard/poor-intern in the hard-drugs room. And the whole time Dean was ODing no other medical staff ran in to help. I guess it's like a small urgent-care place out in the middle of nowhere, but STILL.
Anyway, Corvin must just knock out the doctor, because SOME doctor is alive later to help Sam.
Then Corvin kills the cop right in front of Michelle and then is all like "I'll make you a werewolf too and we'll be together!" and this is what I mean when I say that KILLING PEOPLE IS A RED FLAG!
Dean jumps Corvin, but uh... Dean's probably not doing so great either, given that he has three broken ribs, a concussion, and JUST ODed. So, he's struggling a bit with the whole killing-the-werewolf thing... but luckily Sam comes to the rescue!
Dean is like "took you long enough" and I'm like "YOUR BROTHER IS ABOUT TO DIE IN THE HALLWAY!"
But SAM'S OKAY!
The official story is that Sam went into shock when Corvin chocked him out and his pulse slowed too much for them to find it. ...hmm...okay. But I love Dean's line that Sam was just "mostly dead." Ah, the Princess Bride - classic.
Then Dean has the audacity to give Michelle the "I know your loved one just died, but you'll be okay again one day" speech... like, Dean, YOU ARE A GIANT HYPOCRITE. You LITERALLY just killed yourself because Sam died. I know you were going to bargain with a reaper - but you also told Michelle that if it didn't work then it didn't matter anyway, and part of your bargaining was to try to trade your life for Sam's AGAIN!
Michelle calls him on it and is like "I just watched the man I love die, there's no normal after that." And Dean's like "yeah, okay, that's true." And I'm confused as to whether this is supposed to be a parallel to Sam or Cas, but either way, we're paralleleling all over the place in this episode.
Mainly because it circles back to what Billy said - it's not for the greater good. Corvin also thinks he's killing Sam for the greater good (3 lives for 1), but he's really just doing it to save Michelle and himself. So, yeah, don't kill people "for the greater good", you guys. (I'm your wife, I'm the greatest good you're ever going to get.)
Sam gets released after some stiches and two quarts of O-... I wonder what bloodtype the Winchesters are really... because in the past few seasons, we've both seen them take O- in procedures, but John was AB, so that's actually impossible. But, yeah, I've probably already talked about that somewhere else extensively.
Then Sam is all like "hey, what'd you do when you thought I was dead?" and Dean's all like "I planned to redecorate your room, loser!" And Sam's like "no, for serious!" and Dean's like "I knew you weren't dead!" because he is a lying liar who lies. But... you know, understandably, because you REALLY don't want to tell anyone that your reaction was to kill yourself, because people tend to get up in arms about that.... for good reason, but still, conversations that Dean is probably not in the mood to have... what with the broken ribs, concussion, and recent OD.
So, crazy episode. Geez.
Next week it looks like we'll be getting back to myth-arc, and it'll actually probably be LESS exciting and anxiety-inducing than this episode.
So, good times were had by all! (except arguably every single person in the episode - so, typical SPN night!) As usual, let me know what you thought in comments... and forgive my spelling mistakes, I got no spell check on this thing and I am typing stream-of-consciousness-style after drinking.