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I hate my job

I woke up yesterday morning with this crushing feeling in my chest. And as I sat staring at the gov't server log-in screen, I realized that the crushing feeling was the realization that I hate my job.

I know I complain about it a lot, and this shouldn't come as a surprise...but I always tried to convince myself that the good outweighed the bad:

1. It's boring...but I get to work from home.
2. It's frustrating...but no one can see me write fanfic while I wait for screens to load and records to tally.
3. It's slightly depressing...but it's easy to arrange (unpaid) time off.

But, yeah, I'm just not sure the good is cutting it anymore. I used to think that it didn't matter if I did something suitable to my intelligence/skill levels, as long as I was making money and could live the lifestyle that I enjoy...but my goodness, I just end up feeling like I'm wasting my life all day. 

Sigh...I need this job in order to make the move to Vancouver, and then in Vancouver I'm going to need rent - so much rent. Vancouver is not a cheap city. Actually, I think it's the most expensive city in Canada...well, maybe not in terms of groceries (the territories have us all beat on that), but in terms of housing costs.

Anyway, I'm thinking now that I might go back to school next fall. Maybe try to get into editing or publishing or something....maybe that will be better? I need to do something that doesn't feel like a waste of my life and interests me...but I really don't feel like doing a PhD. There has to be some happy medium in which I am challenged, but not contemplating a DIY-lobotomy in order to relieve the pressure in my brain...(I'm serious, I loved university, but the amount of times I thought about putting power-drills to my temple was probably unhealthy).



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 15th, 2009 02:32 pm (UTC)
I know what you mean. I used to hate my job and complain about it all the time, too. It took a dramatic life change and some bold decisions to shake things up. Even then, it wasn't a smooth road. I made a lot of mistakes, but I think without having made those mistakes, I would not have been able to get to where I am today.

I think if you think that school is the right choice for you, then you should give it a go. Even if it doesn't work out, at least you will have known that you tried, and known that that's not the answer.

Whatever you do, the answer is NOT to continue doing what you're doing now just because it's comfortable even though each day it destroys another piece of your soul. *cheers you on* :)

p.s. before you decide to go back to school, maybe it'd be a good idea to talk to some people who have done what you're thinking of doing? It will give you a good idea of what you'll need to do, how long it will take, and what obstacles you're likely to encounter on the way. Hopefully it will allow you to make the best educated decision you can.
Jul. 15th, 2009 02:56 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I think you are right. The worst thing I could do is stay with the job I have, just because I have it. I'll still use it to move to Vancouver, because I really think that I need to move...but then once I'm there, I'll start trying to figure out what would fit better with me.

One of my sisters is in publishing - though she works on the web-development end of a multi-national corporation - but she'll probably be able to tell me about the other aspects of the business too.

Thanks for cheering me on! :-)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )