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Let's nitpick slash fic...

I just finished work for the day and my brain is fried. So let's nitpick things...

Nitpicky Things that annoy me in slash fic:

1. When characters eat a heavy meal and then have sex right away.
- This is how I can tell that the author has never tried to have sex with a dude after he's just eaten... or if they have, they've been with some magical dudes, because in my experience, all attempts at sex are put on hold pretty much immediately because fooling around makes them queasy. Or at the very least, both parties are all like "ugh, so full - I do not feel like sexy-times right now, I mostly just feel sleepy."

2. Kissing someone who has been smoking (when you are a non-smoker) is disgusting.
- I run into this a lot with Captain America fic. People love having Bucky smoke... I don't know if they're trying to be period appropriate, or if they just think it's sexy, but they have Bucky constantly chain smoking and then making out with Steve and all I can think is "Oh gross!!"
- Nitpicking specific to Captain America - I don't care if people in the 1930's thought that smoking was GOOD for your lungs, I'm pretty sure that Bucky and Steve would have found out pretty quickly that smoking made bad things happen to poor Steve's health, and Bucky would probably either quit that shit or at least not smoke around Steve at all. More than that, I definitely think that super-serum or not, Steve wouldn't be cool with Bucky picking back up the habit in modern times - also, I'm not sure why Bucky would feel the need to pick back up the habit... but then, I'm not a smoker, so what do I know. Maybe it's one of those things that you can never escape. I know I have a sister who constantly starts smoking again despite the fact that it's horrible to her health especially. But you'd think the Hydra brainwashing would be good for SOMETHING and they would have stamped out that addiction pretty quickly.

3. I can't remember my third point... I thought I had one, but maybe I don't. I'll probably think of it later and kick myself.

So, what's your weird nitpicky thing that takes you out of fic?


( 35 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 26th, 2014 08:34 am (UTC)
Jensen (or pretty much anyone for that matter) calling Jared 'little one'. Same goes for anyone saying that in an unironic way to Sam.

There is nothing in fandom that pulls me out of fic faster than that one.

Edited at 2014-06-26 08:35 am (UTC)
Jun. 26th, 2014 04:43 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, yeah... I can totally see why that would pull you out of a fic. :P
Jun. 26th, 2014 09:01 am (UTC)
Descriptors such as "the older hunter" or "the younger Winchester". The characters have names!! Use them. Use these and I'm dumping your fic into the "never-to-be-read- folder."
Jun. 26th, 2014 02:11 pm (UTC)
LOL! These are prevalent in gen fic as well. And I dislike them as much as you do.
(no subject) - hells_half_acre - Jun. 26th, 2014 04:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fannishliss - Jun. 27th, 2014 07:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 26th, 2014 09:25 am (UTC)
The fact that cocks are always at least "half hard" and then remain erect the whole time. And if its a fic featuring a woman (or a feminized Omega) they are dripping wet from the word go. The whole process of getting someone aroused, is to me, often the sexiest part!

Also there is never enough kissing!

I would totes agree with the eating and smoking too!
Jun. 26th, 2014 04:49 pm (UTC)
Oh man! I think that was supposed to be my third point!

Like, the guy will get kissed ONCE and suddenly he's got a full hard-on... or he'll see a cute boy across the room, and BAM, full mast! That's not how dicks work! I mean, maybe if the guy is 14? But not if you're a grown man.

I agree on the never enough kissing too... or just touching, for that matter.
Jun. 26th, 2014 04:36 pm (UTC)
Interesting - I've never smoked, but kissing a smoker never really bothered me. Perhaps because my dear grandfather smoked and the smell/taste is nostalgic for me?
Jun. 26th, 2014 04:42 pm (UTC)
Hmmm... well, perhaps that's a personal one for me then! But yeah, I find even being CLOSE enough to kiss someone who has just finished smoking is too gross for me. It's fine if they've had a chance to "air out" a little and had a breath-mint, but otherwise I am repulsed.

My apologies to any smokers reading this, of course - I know sometimes people get really offended by the fact that I find their smoking habit repulsive. :P

My grandmother smoked a lot, so being in a smoker's house can make me nostalgic, but it also simultaneously really grosses me out.
Jun. 26th, 2014 04:39 pm (UTC)
Kissing anyone that has been either smoking, drinking alcohol, or drinking coffee all have icky smelling breath. Don't like any of those.

My biggest nitpicky thing in fics is grammatical errors. I can let the occasional misspelling, or grammar error go, but when the errors are rampant within the fic, or they use the wrong spelling of a word, such as there vs their (there is one word that writers misuse ALL THE TIME and it drives me absolutely batty, but I can't remember the word right now) I can get pulled out of a fic fairly easily with these errors. I always notice them, being that I used to have to edit documents for a living, so yea, I pick those things up easily. New stories that I read I usually read on my iPad in the iAnnotate app. With that app you can make notations, and I usually circle the misspelled words or grammar errors during my read-through. There are some stories with nary a mark, but then, other stories it is completely red marked. If that was a paper turned in for a grade they would have probably received a C or D based on grammar errors alone. There is one writer out there that is horrible in her grammar and I refuse to read any of her stories anymore because I can't read them without going nuts from all the grammatical errors. Her stories are fairly good, too, which is a shame.
Jun. 26th, 2014 04:55 pm (UTC)
Oh man, now I feel bad for constantly writing "they're" when I mean "their"... and my constant other homonym slip-ups that I don't always catch on read-through. Though, I'll take solace in the fact that I usually only do it once or twice per fic/entry.

But yeah, I know what you mean about when a fic is just riddled with errors. There's been author's that I've avoided as well for that reason.
(no subject) - metallidean_grl - Jun. 26th, 2014 05:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hells_half_acre - Jun. 26th, 2014 05:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - metallidean_grl - Jun. 26th, 2014 08:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hells_half_acre - Jun. 26th, 2014 09:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - metallidean_grl - Jun. 26th, 2014 09:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hells_half_acre - Jun. 26th, 2014 10:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - metallidean_grl - Jun. 27th, 2014 08:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hells_half_acre - Jun. 27th, 2014 08:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - la_mariane - Jun. 26th, 2014 05:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - metallidean_grl - Jun. 26th, 2014 05:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 26th, 2014 04:55 pm (UTC)
My weird nitpicky thing (but I don't find it weird at all) : I hate it when characters spend their time crying and/or fainting just because they're upset. I don't buy when the Winchesters cry their eyes out (a few tears, OK, but not long crying-jags, unless there's a coherent reason : a curse, depression, cutting up onions, ...). Same thing with Tony Stark...

And, on the cigarette thing, I remember a doctor telling me that tobacco is as addicitvie as heroine. I think it'd be realisitic for a character picked up smoking again, even after a long time.
Jun. 26th, 2014 05:00 pm (UTC)
Okay, good to know about smoking being that addictive - that also explains why my sister keeps going back to it, even though she really shouldn't. That's just a failure of understanding on my part, since I've never been addicted to cigarettes.

I agree about the crying! Whenever these characters do cry, they are desperately trying NOT to cry - so yeah, they might have a few tears escape, and they might be sniffly... but they're never going to just let themselves sob for hours, even if they have perfect reason to.
(no subject) - la_mariane - Jun. 26th, 2014 05:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 27th, 2014 06:43 pm (UTC)
Men being incapable of sex after a heavy meal is so true and made me LOL. Now I'm side-eying Dean and those greasy cheeseburgers.

In slash fiction am ridiculously nitpicky about lube. I get that people might want to focus on the romance or the sexiness and just hand-wave the details, but if there's two non-magical men going at it hammer and tongs without at least a passing mention of lube I just think, "Ouch!"

On the other hand, nothing ruins the mood more than an author using dry (pun intended) clinical language to describe the, er, lubricating process. There seems to be a step-by-step formula a lot of authors use that is just about the un-sexiest thing ever.
Jun. 27th, 2014 06:56 pm (UTC)
Well, Dean usually isn't eating those greasy cheeseburgers right before sex, so he's okay!

I agree about the lube! Some people seem to think it's possible to just use spit, and I'm like "No... no no... Brokeback Mountain got that wrong, my friend."

It's funny, I didn't even really think of the step-by-step formula that authors seem to use - but you're right, and it IS annoying, and something I tend to skip over when reading, because I'm like "yeah yeah, I know how lubrication works..."

It's a careful balance - too descriptive, and it's unsexy due to being dry and clinical, and not descriptive enough and it's unsexy due to sympathetic pain. :P

(no subject) - etoile444 - Jun. 29th, 2014 02:33 am (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 27th, 2014 07:46 pm (UTC)
If you google "Asthma Cigarettes" you will be surprised. In the 30s one way to treat asthma was by smoking certain herbs. Of course the tobacco companies wanted to addict people to tobacco, but asthma sufferers didn't have a lot of options, so I bet the herbal cigarettes were fairly widespread.

I would have assumed that camphor and menthol remedies would have also been common, like Vick's Vaporub. I saw another reference to something that was burned called Potter's asthma remedy.

I guess what bothers me most in 1930s era fic is when people include modern fixtures. Not just the refrigerator, which Bucky and Steve would not have afforded -- but the shower, or the record player. Record players in those days were large and played 78 rpm records. A record "album" was literally an album of 78s with one song per side! ... It would be fun to do some research into the living conditions for Bucky and Steve... like, how big was a small apartment like they might have shared; would they have their own bath, or share with other people? I would assume in Brooklyn in the 30s they would have electricity and probably had steam radiators to provide heat in the winter... and probably they would have hot water? The big steam boilers were common to the era, but would that have exteneded to lower rent areas? That's the sort of thing I fixate one, and when someone says "Bucky went to take a shower" I am very much thrown. :P

Jun. 27th, 2014 07:59 pm (UTC)
True, there WERE asthma cigarettes... so, fine, maybe it's just that I really hate smoking and I want to find excuses as to why they're wrong altogether, rather than why they're just doing something I don't like. :P

The details about the 1930s always get me too - but I do sympathize with the writers who probably don't have the time to research these things.

I'd guess that it was shared baths. That they had electricity and (unreliable) heat. I'm not sure about hot water. I have a feeling that they'd probably be taking a lot of "whore's baths" where they just wet a rag and clean essential areas. I think soap and shampoo were JUST coming into use, but whether or not that would include the poor is another matter.

I've also seen speculation that Bucky may have been better off than Steve was, and that it may have just been Steve who lived in the tenements... I'm not sure how much that holds water with other canons, but someone pointed out that Bucky in the movies has a father who owns a car and Bucky is seen to be well-dressed the one time we see him out of uniform.

So, yeah, if Steve DID move in with Bucky after his mother died, and Bucky was better off, then maybe they did have a few things that Steve wouldn't ordinarily have. That being said, it's still a valid nitpick since people usually prefer the story that they're BOTH orphaned poor kids.
(no subject) - etoile444 - Jun. 29th, 2014 02:40 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fannishliss - Jun. 29th, 2014 07:05 am (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 29th, 2014 02:35 am (UTC)
I hate "fever fiction". Full grown man has a cold and a fever.....first off, that's not a cold. And even with the fever, it spikes, there is delierum, convulsions, fainting. I don't think so.
Jun. 29th, 2014 02:52 am (UTC)
Agreed. Plus, the last thing you want to do when you have a fever is have sexy times. Also, a lot of people describe fevers wrong or how you treat fevers wrong - and that's annoying.
Jul. 3rd, 2014 08:32 pm (UTC)
As a non-smoker, I agree - kissing a smoker *is* like licking an ashtray. While my grandfather smoked and I get nostalgic for the scent sometimes, the taste is horrible.

And also yes to lack of lube. Just... ouch.
( 35 comments — Leave a comment )


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