I've skipped work for 2 days in a row now. This is what happens when you are a contractor and work on deadlines not days. As soon as you are handed a deadline that you know you can make easy, you just sort of...make it harder for yourself. I'm actually super worried about how much I'm skipping out on work. I need the money. This isn't a good work ethic. Someday I might actually have a job where people will notice if I don't work everyday and fire me because of it...and yeah, that won't be good.
I'm hoping that the move to Vancouver this fall will be successful, and I'll sort of be able to pull myself out of this slump. Things are VERY stressful here right now, I'm not going to lie. And I KNOW how I respond to stress...mainly, I just start retreating so far into my own head that eventually all I can do is eat and sleep and everything else has to be pried out of me with a crowbar.
I need an alternative lifestyle - one where I don't actually have to work for a living. Or I just need a job that is a little more inspiring, that makes me happy instead of bored. It not like what I'm doing isn't important. It's important to the people I do it for. I can't actually talk about it, because it's one of those security-clearance jobs...but you know, even though it's super boring, it matters to someone out there. Sadly, it's the super boring part that I can't get over.
Of course, the other problem is that once you start the bad habit of sleeping all day and staying up all night...well, it's sort of hard to turn it around, because when you try to wake up early, you are too exhausted to do anything.
Anyway...I just needed to vent that all somewhere - basically say: I know I'm being ridiculous. I know this is stupid. One of these days I will get my head screwed on straight, hopefully.