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July 14th, 2009

I hate my job

I woke up yesterday morning with this crushing feeling in my chest. And as I sat staring at the gov't server log-in screen, I realized that the crushing feeling was the realization that I hate my job.

I know I complain about it a lot, and this shouldn't come as a surprise...but I always tried to convince myself that the good outweighed the bad:

1. It's boring...but I get to work from home.
2. It's frustrating...but no one can see me write fanfic while I wait for screens to load and records to tally.
3. It's slightly depressing...but it's easy to arrange (unpaid) time off.

But, yeah, I'm just not sure the good is cutting it anymore. I used to think that it didn't matter if I did something suitable to my intelligence/skill levels, as long as I was making money and could live the lifestyle that I enjoy...but my goodness, I just end up feeling like I'm wasting my life all day. 

Sigh...I need this job in order to make the move to Vancouver, and then in Vancouver I'm going to need rent - so much rent. Vancouver is not a cheap city. Actually, I think it's the most expensive city in Canada...well, maybe not in terms of groceries (the territories have us all beat on that), but in terms of housing costs.

Anyway, I'm thinking now that I might go back to school next fall. Maybe try to get into editing or publishing or something....maybe that will be better? I need to do something that doesn't feel like a waste of my life and interests me...but I really don't feel like doing a PhD. There has to be some happy medium in which I am challenged, but not contemplating a DIY-lobotomy in order to relieve the pressure in my brain...(I'm serious, I loved university, but the amount of times I thought about putting power-drills to my temple was probably unhealthy).
 


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