July 11th, 2009

Sam strung-out


I figure my problem is that I'm not getting enough sleep. I stay up until 3am and wake up around 10am...that's what? Considering I don't fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow...about 6 hours of sleep? It's not really enough, anyway. I'm supposed to be working 7.5 hour days, but I just can't concentrate, and I end up working only 5 or 6 hours...and even that is 5 or 6 hours of me occasionally nodding off at my desk.

I just can't keep it up. I've got so much to do, so I try to limit sleep, but then I end up not being able to do anything because I'm too damn tired. The only caffeine I can have is one green tea (or cola) a day. Anything stronger gives me a heartattack, and if I have more than one caffinated drink I'll get a caffeine headache when I go into withdrawal.

It'd help if my job wasn't boring as all hell....but we're in a recession, and I don't know what the heck job I would find INTERESTING. Sigh...I'm totally wasting my life.

Anyway, I think I'll start going to bed at 1am, or an hour after everyone else has gone to bed, whichever comes last. (I like my quiet time before bed). And no more naps! Naps, though GIFTS FROM THE GODS, do not help, because they make it so that I'm not tired at 1am and I end up staying up until 3am even though I have to get up at 10am the next day and go play my saxophone in a park, then drive downtown to go to a picnic/concert with my friends and stay up until all hours of the night because that is how we roll.

So, yeah, no more of this! I must sleep more.

In other news...I don't think I'm going to get the next chapter of Damned Demented Demons posted on Sunday :-( ...I just haven't had the time to write. Though, I suppose I could always forgo my buffer rule...sigh, decisions.

Also, on the topic of fanfic that I'm not writing: I had a good idea for a H/C fic today when I woke up from my nap. Mainly because when I was napping I had my recurring napdream where I'm struck part-blind and dizzy and I to hide it, but eventually people find out, but I don't have time to sit around being blind and dizzy because there is DANGER or IMPORTANT THINGS TO BE DONE!  Anyway, it's a plot-bunny. I still haven't finished writing my other plot-bunny though, so who knows if anything will come of this one.

Does anyone else have dreams like that though? Usually I am blind, dizzy, and paralyzed, and there is a stranger in the room, and I can't get my eyes open and I can't move, and I don't know who is there, and I try to scream in the hopes that they will wake me up but I'm unable to make a sound.

Or I just can't keep my eyes open, they keep shutting...and I try and try but it's impossible. I'm too tired. I'm always partially dizzy or maybe just weary, and so I try to walk around blind but someone rearranged the furniture and moved all the lightswitches...and light burns my eyes anyway, but I try.

In today's dream there was an old staircase, and I was doing my best to keep my eyes open, even though everything was blurry tunnel-vision, and then there were four steps missing in the middle of the staircase, and we were three stories up...and the people in my dream just said, "yeah, the stairs collapsed this morning. We'll have to call the landlord." And man, I just felt like crying, because I could see the gap by the changes in light, but dude? How does a blind person leap UP a four-stair gap in an old staircase?

So yeah, does anyone else have those dreams?  Or am I just insane?