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Demented'verse: Behind the Scenes Part 2


Since I showed you guys the Cutting Room Floor of the first half of Vile Violent Vacations, I figured I should do the same with the second half. It picks up in the afternoon on Thursday, January 7th, 2010...for those of you who kept track of the passing of time (what? It's just me that does that?)

Once again, I should point out that a lot of these might trail off in the middle of a sentence or leave you hanging - I really do stop writing something the very second that I realize that I don't like it. Anyway, I'll put notes on some of them with explanations (in brackets and in bold-italics)

Oh also, as I said before - I only save things I don't like if I've written quite a bit before I realize that I don't like it....I save it just in case I change my mind about it.


DELETED FROM HOGWARTS AFTERNOON CLASS: (Here I stopped recording cut scenes by chapter number, because I kept changing my chapter numbers and it got very confusing).

That was, until the boggart question.

“You’ve gone over werewolves, poltergeists, and vampires, but what about magical creatures such as boggarts and dementors?” a dark-haired boy asked.

“Dementors you can kill with a high voltage of electricity,” Sam answered, “but um, boggarts-“

“We haven’t found a non-magical way to kill those yet,” Dean interrupted. “I’d like to believe that there is one though – so, feel free to experiment if you ever get a chance and let us know. In the meantime, if you find yourself in front of a boggart without a wand, just try to laugh at it.”

“Um, yes” Sam said, as he shot a confused look over at Dean. “Another question? Yes?”

“Who are you, really?” a small Asian girl asked. And yeah, Harry thought, that was the problem with the older students – they were more astute. “Why do you know all this stuff? It’s almost like you’re-“

“Aurors,” Sam cut in, “with a lot of field experience.”

“But why not just use magic...” the girl continued, unabated, “why learn all this...Hunter stuff.”

“You want the truth?” Dean sighed, and Harry tensed – watching as Sam slid his eyes over to Dean in confusion. Dean rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I was never really good at memory charms,” Dean said. “In order to maintain the secrecy rules, it was just easier to do things the muggle way whenever I could – that way, even if the muggles saw, they didn’t think that I was a wizard. They sometimes thought I was a seriel killer, and tried to arrest me, but at least it didn’t put the whole of the wizarding community in danger, you know?”

“They let you be an Auror

(I stopped there, because I realized that if I had the students be openly suspicious, it would create a whole other subplot thread that I'd have to tie up somehow. Now, this isn't to say that the students were never suspicious - it's just that their suspicions weren't integral to the plot, so I didn't mention them, because really, the story was long enough as it was without me adding even more filler-stuff.)


FROM THE QUIDDITCH PRACTICE:

“No, Sam, what the hell are you trying to-“ Dean persisted.

“Dean, would you stop freaking out” Sam said.

“I am not freaking out!” Dean replied.

“Dude, close your eyes for a bit, ok?” Sam pleaded. “You’ll stop panicking if you can’t see them.”

“I’m not panicking!” Dean insisted.

Sam reached over and clapped a hand over Dean’s eyes. Dean’s hand latched onto Sam’s arm to push him away, but Sam wrapped his other hand around the back of Dean’s head and prevented him from moving backwards away from Sam’s hand.

“How fast is your heart?” Sam asked calmly.

“Get your hands off of me, I can’t see!” Dean said. Sam looked over towards Harry and the kids to see them all staring at the display with wide disbelieving eyes. Sam bent close to Dean’s ear.

“Dean,” Sam said softly and calmly. “I need you to take a deep breath for me and focus on slowing your heartbeat.”

Sam felt Dean relax a little and take a forced breath. Sam waited until Dean had let out all the air in his lungs slowly and then he removed his hands and let Dean go.

“Sorry,” Sam said pre-emptively.

“You better the fuck be,” Dean muttered, opening his eyes and blinking into light from the setting sun.

“Um, everything alright?” Harry asked.

“Yeah,” Sam says. “Dean uh...gets a little angry and irrational when he panics.”

(I just felt this was going a little overboard...and would be a complete overreaction on Dean's part.)

ADD ON TO THE END (before Castiel leaves – rewrite to fit):

“It’s nice to see you again, Harry” Castiel said, with a nod. “I apologize for startling you, Ginevra. I tried to call, but neither Dean nor Sam’s phones are functioning at the moment.”

“Again?” Dean said in confusion, and Harry felt dread pool in his stomach.

“An angel?” Ginny said, her eyes wide. She hastily put her wand away, looking somewhat mortified that she had attacked at all.

“You’ve seen each other before?” Dean pressed. “When?”

Harry nodded, and then looked at Castiel. He was somewhat reassured by the fact that Castiel looked vaguely like he was regretting his word choice as well.

“I spoke to Harry last year, when you traveled with him to American Ministry of Magic.” Castiel said. “You must understand...I was...acting on orders.”

“What orders?” Dean ground out, and now Sam was looking between Harry and Castiel suspiciously.

“Ginny,” Harry said. “Could you go upstairs and get that file for me?”

Ginny nodded and all but backed out of the room, still staring at Castiel as though he were...well, as though he were an angel of the Lord who had suddenly appeared in their kitchen.

“There’s a prophecy,” Harry said. “I discovered it last year in the American Department of Mysteries. I went to go find it – I...I couldn’t decide if I should tell you or not, I wasn’t sure what it meant. Castiel found me and told me not to tell you – he implied that it was pointless for you to know.”

“Orders,” Dean repeated, rubbing a hand over his face, then turned to Harry and added, “and you just listened to him?! You didn’t think that maybe, just maybe, Sam and I might deserve to know about something that obviously concerns us!?”

“He’s an angel of the Lord!” Harry said. “I thought he knew better-“

“Yeah, well he didn’t!” Dean cut Harry off.

-have someone offer to take them to hear the whole thing – have Sam say that it doesn’t matter anymore, because they are going to change it. Have Harry (or someone) say that you can’t change prophecy...have Sam be defiant of this, and Dean be demoralized. Have it also come out that Castiel was the one who set Sam free in 4x21.

(So some of you may recognize some of this...and the title of this cut piece should give away why. I originally had the Winchester's discovering that Harry knew about the prophecy when Castiel first arrived. I then realized that it would make a much more effective scene if it was closer to the climax of the story - not only that, but I realized if it happened at Hogwarts, it could cause Harry to take them to see Firenze...also, if Harry knew they knew about the prophecy, he would have asked them about it, and they would have told him about the vessels, and then that would be hanging over Harry's head a lot longer and his reaction at the end wouldn't be as dramatic. So, really, this version never saw the light of day because it was too dramatic a moment to occur so early in the story. Obviously, the note to myself at the end of the dialog was added in after I decided to cut it out of the scene and add it to the end of the story.)


ALTERNATIVE CAS@MALFOY MANOR OPENER:

Sam could see Draco Malfoy waiting by the gates when they pulled up to them. His breath misted in the cold air, and his dark coat was the only thing that seemed to distinguish him from the light layer of snow that had fallen the night before. Dean parked where he had before, still apparently reluctant to drive his car through the magic wrought iron. They all piled out of the Impala, and Sam watched as Draco’s eyes landed on Castiel and he stiffened.

“I thought you said you’d take care of it yourself?” was the first thing Draco said when Sam and Dean walked up to him.

“And we are,” Dean said. “Harry’s not here.”

“Fine, but who-“ Draco started, looking at Castiel.

“Drake, I’d like you to meet Cas. Cas, Drake” Dean said. “Cas is a friend of ours. He can get rid of both the runes and the death echo for you.”

Sam watched with interest as Draco held out his hand, seeming to size up Castiel in a similar manner as his father had seemed to size up Sam and Dean.

“What’s your full name?” Draco asked.

“Castiel” Castiel said, and Sam could have sworn there was a small smile on his lips. “It’s nice to meet Draco Malfoy. I see you’ve caught on to Dean’s...fondness of nicknames.”

Draco smiled. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Yeah yeah, whatever” Dean muttered. “Cas, you want to grab the runes first?”
“Yes,” Castiel said, turning from Draco.

“They’re right over-“ Sam started.

“I see them,” Castiel cut him off, already striding towards the stone wall that held the runes.

“What are they?” Draco asked.

“Demonic,” Castiel answered, “used to stir into unrest any spirits associated with the property.”

“Demonic?” Draco replied. “What-“

Draco never completed his sentence, as they all watched Castiel reach up with his bare fingers and scrape away the stone until the engraved runes were gone.

“What the hell are you?” Draco asked.

“Don’t freak out,” Sam warned, remembering all too well what Draco’s reaction to them being Hunters had been.

“I’m an angel of the Lord,” Castiel answered.

Sam had to admit, it was kind to introduce Castiel to other people – if only to see their reactions. Draco looked much like he had when Harry had announced that Sam and Dean were Hunters the previous year, only thankfully, his reflex wasn’t to attack Castiel.

“That’s impossible” Draco muttered.

Castiel narrowed his eyes and tilted his head.

“Angels have...multiple faces and wings...and-“ Draco continued. Sam couldn’t help but wonder why Draco was so informed about angels.

“Ah,” Castiel said. “In our true form, yes, that can be true. This is only a vessel.”

“A vessel?” Draco repeated.

“Yeah, his name is Jimmy – he’s Cas’ meat-suit,” Dean said.

“Jimmy...angels...possess people?” Draco asked.

“He gave his consent,” Castiel replied. Sam bit his lip and Dean looked away, and yeah...there wasn’t really anything constructive to add to that.

“Oh,” Draco said. “So, were you the one that pulled Dean out of hell?”

“Yes,” Castiel answered.

“How do you-“ Dean started to ask.

“I read your file,” Draco answered, “and then did some research when I got home. Angels are one of the only beings on earth that can pull a soul out of hell.”

“Oh,” Dean answered. Sam nodded, admittedly a little impressed that Draco had bothered to research at all, and that he had actually found the correct answer.

“There is no need to worry about that,” Castiel said to Draco, and Sam wondered what thread of the conversation he had lost. Draco, however, looked a little spooked, as if someone had just-

“Cas, what did I tell you about reading people’s minds?” Dean said.

“My apologies,” Castiel said, “I thought that only applied to prostitutes.”

Draco now looked even more spooked. Sam took the opportunity to glare at his brother, though, Dean didn’t see him because he was too busy burying his face in his hand.

“Um, the death echo?” Sam said. “How about we go do that?”

“Great idea, Sammy!” Dean said, and then turned and walked through the gate.

(This was the original version of this scene, told from Sam's POV. I didn't like it. I thought it was far too awkward from Sam's point of view because he wasn't an active enough participant. That being said, reading this now, I'm really sorry I never got that line in about prostitutes...that was really good. I'm actually still not quite happy with the version I published...so who knows, maybe one day I'll figure out how to fix it up a little and do a mending timestamp.)


THE FIRENZE CHAPTER
(I kept this header in here just so that I could tell you that I actually wrote Firenze's bits MONTHS before I wrote the scenes surrounding them. I usually write chronologically, but this was one instance where I was going about my day and started basically writing dialog in my brain - and it was pretty damn good, and I knew I was weeks away from writing that bit and I didn't want to forget...so I sat down and wrote it all out way ahead of time.)


CHAPTER 26 (Back to numbers, I guess I got cocky...it's either that, or by this point I had lost so much of my buffer, there was no way I could change chapter lengths.)

Dean decided something should be done about Sam’s face – and then bit back a smile at the thought, and bent down to tie up his boot.

Dean watched as Harry furrowed his brow in confusion. Sam winced in anticipation of the next question, and Dean decided that he didn’t want to hear the next question. Instead he took his hand full of snow, stood quickly, and shoved it in Sam’s face.

“Something has to be done about your face, Sam!” Dean laughed.

“You little shit!” Sam exclaimed, hands already pawing the snow off the lower half of his face, most of the caked blood coming off with it.

“Little?!”

“Yeah, Shorty!” Sam’s smirk was wicked, and Dean only made it two steps before he was tackled to the ground by the brick wall that was his little brother.

(This got deleted because it suddenly felt too much like the set-up for really corny gay porn)

CHAPTER 30

He took in Sam’s sympathetic face and broad shoulders – Harry knew how huge, imposing, and downright terrifying Sam could seem when he wanted to, but then Harry also knew what Sam looked like when he worried over his brother, or played with Harry’s children. Then there was Dean, who Harry knew could also appear terrifying and intimidating, yet had survived forty years of torture and still managed to love his brother, to be gentle with Harry’s kids, to make Teddy laugh, to carry on despite how much he deserved a better life than the one he was living.

(Not sure why I deleted this...too cheesy maybe? Maybe I didn't think men waxed that poetic about each other :P)

*

Ginny made tea and put some cookies on a plate, while Harry put the boys to bed. He had recruited Dean to help him, so, Ginny just had a tall Sam Winchester in the kitchen with her. He was standing by the table, casually sorting through the children’s drawings from that evening. Ginny knew what they looked like – James had drawn his usual misshapen stick people to represent his family. The one with the multicoloured hair and big smile was Teddy, the one with the glasses was Harry, red hair meant Ginny. Of course, there were others in these pictures – larger stick figures that towered over their father like giants. Sam smiled softly.

“Do you have a preference for type of tea?” Ginny asked.

“Don’t suppose you have any tea like Neville made us today, do you?” Sam asked. Ginny laughed.

“He’s still making his special teas then?” Ginny asked. “I wouldn’t be able to compete even if I tried. He’s been perfecting those teas for years – started making them back during the war. Of course, back then, he could never get the dosages right. Mind you, that was half the fun.”

Sam laughed and shook his head.

“Poor Seamus was high for three days straight after a particularly strong brew,” Ginny continued, “though, after the rounds the torture curse he had endured, and the bruised ribs, it was probably for the best.”

“Yeah, he mentioned how he had been researching the effects of different teas on torture victims. I should have given him better notes. Maybe I should write him...” Sam trailed off as he looked over at Ginny, and Ginny tried to quickly school her features, but apparently it was too late. “Harry made that face too when Neville mentioned it – what’s wrong with Neville’s interest in that? Why does it make you...sad?”

(Similarly to the deleted scene from the afternoon class - finding out about Neville's tragedy wasn't integral to the plot...and since I decided that chapter 30 would be the last chapter, I had to keep things focused on the things that WERE integral to the plot.)


And that's that. 

Oh, as you may recall in my Behind the Scene Part 1, I posted my outline for Damned Demented Demons. So, here is the outline I was working off of for Vile Violent Vacations:

Outline:
-Harry invites Dean and Sam for holidays – increased supernatural activity in Britain, need to train Aurors.
-Dean and Sam agree to go early January – first weekend before Teddy returned to Hogwarts.
-At some point, Castiel should drop by.
-Train aurors, guest speakers in DADA
-Run into Malfoy in Diagon Alley...invited by Astoria over to Malfoy Manor for supper.
-Malfoy living in coach house, Scorpius lets slip that there’s a ghost in the manor – death echo of Charity Babage. Dean takes care of, but while exploring the house, runs into a boggart.
-Dean finds something odd? Something that indicates that the increased paranormal activity may not be coincidence.
-Sam and Dean and Harry investigate – perhaps call in Castiel to help as well.
-Castiel and Sam have to bond over something in this storyline
-Plan to attack defectors and enemies of Voldemort – end goal to bring Voldemort back? Ends up being the Carrows...perhaps Harry sends for imprisoned Death Eaters to be questioned, and it’s discovered that one of the Carrows is a Muggle shifter (Alecto?) ...made a deal with a demon or something? Get revenge against those who defected against Voldemort – family lines - black, malfoy, Karkaroff, some made-up ones?
-Castiel helps track down real Alecto before she can finish what she planned. All’s well that ends well.
-Dean has to have some worrying behaviour – not sleeping, drinking too much – grief over Ellen and Jo.

(So, you can see which points I kept, which I dropped, and which I changed....midway through the story, I realized it would help to have a more specific outline for the last few chapters):


-Shapeshifter in Carrow’s cell – fresh, just shifted to guard to escape island. Find books. Secure prison...find shapeshifter. Shapeshifter reveals plans (go after traitors death eaters, attack Harry’s “heart.”) Also reveals how Carrow escaped – demon deal. All Ron’s POV?
-wizard houses are warded against magical attack – but not muggle-witchcraft, hence the strategy.
-Harry sends out auror teams to protect his family...Sam and Dean show up to try to help, bring up point that Carrows worked at Hogwarts (home territory). Ask who is guarding Teddy – answer, no one, Harry like adults before him, assumed Hogwarts was safe. Perhaps try to get Castiel to locate Carrow – can’t get a clear reading – first clue they’re at Hogwarts, due to magical interference with Castiel’s weakening senses.
-Rush to Hogwarts – trying to warn Neville and Ernie on the way. Harry apparates Sam, notices it’s easier.
- Teddy so happens to be in Herbology – harvesting winter plants outside. Winchesters, Harry arrive just after Carrow does...finds Neville protecting the class – wands ready and at a standstill. Got the warning, and tried to turn the class back to the castle, but was intercepted. Carrow doesn’t know which one is Teddy.
-Carrow summons demon to help. Harry turns to Sam to ask if he can exorcise it with his mind...admits he can’t anymore. Dean or Sam asks Cas if he can exorcise it, Cas admits that he can’t anymore – “sucks, doesn’t it?”
-Battle ensues. Teddy trying to stay hidden, but emotions get the better of him and his hair turns colour...Carrow goes to attack Teddy with crucio, Sam leaps in front and takes the hit...Teddy scrambles to hold Sam still, in the process tearing his necklace off though no one notices.
-Neville or someone is able to end the curse. Sam safely delivers Teddy to Castiel, tells Castiel to get the children away – realizes there’s something wrong...the castle looks like it’s in ruins, Sam’s head hurts, he wants to go home. Tries to suffer through it. Meanwhile, Carrow defeated. Demon trapped by another wizard, takes its last opportunity to taunt Sam, before Dean stabs it.
-Panic over Sam’s state. Neville especially. Eventually someone figures it out.
-Go into castle to recuperate...Neville makes herbal tea.
-Castiel says goodbye, let’s slip about prophecy...add in the part you already have written here.
-Say goodbye!


So, there's your look behind the curtain. Hope you enjoyed :)

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
franztastisch
Dec. 17th, 2010 11:14 pm (UTC)
I would have LOVED the prostitute bit to have been in it. :D And also the snowball fight. I don't think it sounds like a set up for gay porn. Or at least I think it'd be really easy for it not to, by having it from Harry's POV and him remembering doing that when he was a student and thinking it's nice to see them act like brothers more.

Oh and I also liked the paragraph you thought was "too cheesy".
hells_half_acre
Dec. 17th, 2010 11:26 pm (UTC)
I would have LOVED the prostitute bit to have been in it

Yeah, I had forgotten about it until today, and now I really wish it was in there too! Man, I have half a mind to rewrite that bit now...sigh. Wish I could remember what Draco was thinking...part of me actually thinks my deleted bit was better than what I published.

The snowball fight really only reads as cheesy gay porn for me though, so no chance of it getting back in :P

Oh and I also liked the paragraph you thought was "too cheesy".

Yeah, I'm really confused as to why I deleted that bit now. Ah well, what's done is done.

Edited at 2010-12-17 11:27 pm (UTC)
marlowe78
Dec. 18th, 2010 01:33 pm (UTC)
(This got deleted because it suddenly felt too much like the set-up for really corny gay porn)
Actually, that'd been a hell-offa cheesy porn. I liked the line about "Something needs to be done about your face", as in it needs changing (the face) can't remember what you did with the line, or did you leave it out?

I agree that it'd beeen too schmoopy, but reading it here, in this context, made me laugh again.
Thanks for the look behind the scenes, it was fun. If I write, I usually don't keep the stuff I'm not sure about. I change a story so often and so much while writing, while reading it again and while reading it again, again and again, so what is saved at the end of a session (if I even can call it that) is what I liked best.
but it's a good idea to keep stuff, especially for such long stories.
hells_half_acre
Dec. 18th, 2010 10:24 pm (UTC)
Yes, I especially like to keep anything long I've cut out, because I'm constantly writing on a deadline and I need to make a word count. So, I don't want to lose an hour of work completely.

Thanks for agreeing with me about the cheesy porn :P I changed the line to "Sammy, fix your face" and then Neville suggesting he wash up in the greenhouses - which not only got rid of the cheesy-porn feeling, but it also moved us into the next scene, so it was a much better way to do things.
trystan830
Dec. 19th, 2010 06:19 pm (UTC)
oh very cool stuff.

i do like how you might have had Dean "cover up" his using Muggle/Hunter ways to kill the witchy badguys, actually.... =)
hells_half_acre
Dec. 19th, 2010 06:21 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I might write a classroom scene as a timestamp one day. We'll see...I kind of like that part too. :)
trystan830
Dec. 19th, 2010 06:25 pm (UTC)
ahh cool. =)
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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