Hell's Half Acre (hells_half_acre) wrote,
Hell's Half Acre

Fic: Vile Violent Vacations 20/30 (SPN/HP) PG-13, Gen

Title: Vile Violent Vacations 20/30
Author: hells_half_acre 
Fandoms: Harry Potter, Supernatural
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Genre: Gen
Warnings: Spoilers for all Harry Potter books, spoilers for Supernatural until 5x10.
Disclaimer:  This is a transformative work of fiction for entertainment purposes only.
AN: Sequel to Damned Demented Demons and Bobby and Hermione - An Epistolary Fic . Updates every Wednesday (PST).

Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19

Summary: In which the Winchesters teach and Teddy worries

Ernie Macmillan was a short man with dirty blond hair. Dean wasn’t sure whether he was friend or foe when they first met him. He smiled when he saw Harry, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Hi Ernie,” Harry greeted, “I’d like you to meet Sam and Dean.”

Dean stepped forward to shake Ernie’s hand, and realized that this was where the guy’s problem with Harry lay – because instead of a warm smile, he was met with an intense assessing look, which was then repeated on Sam.

“Nice to meet you too,” Dean said sarcastically.

“Harry, I don’t like this,” Ernie said, seemingly able to ignore Dean and Sam while not taking his eyes off of them.

“I know,” Harry said. “Thanks for indulging me.”

“That’s another thing I don’t like,” Ernie said, and then turned his assessing gaze to Harry. “If this ever gets out...if anyone ever finds out that Harry Potter brought Hunters to...brought the Winchesters to Hogwarts, and we all just indulged him...Harry...aren’t you ever worried about how much power you have, what it looks like.”

“Been talking to Hannah have you?” Harry smiled.

“I’m not an idiot, Harry. It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together,” Ernie said, rolling his eyes.

“I’m not worried Ernie,” Harry sighed, “not when I know I’ve got people like you watching out for me. I promise, the moment I get two big for my breeches, I’ll drop everything and become Headmaster of Hogwarts...but I’m not him, Ernie.”

“I didn’t mean to imply-" Ernie started, and then shook his head. “It’s good to see you Harry.”

“Good to see you too,” Harry smiled, “how are things?”

“Good,” Ernie said, “except that my house was ransacked by a poltergeist in November. Apparently they’ve got some experts looking into it though.”

This time, when Ernie glanced over at Dean, there was a cautious humour behind his look, though he still seemed wary of their presence.

“We got a good lead yesterday,” Dean said.

“You didn’t fill out-" Sam started to say.

“My friend Justin filled out the report,” Ernie answered. “He looks after my place while I’m teaching. Justin Finch-Fletchley.”

“Oh,” Sam said, “property damage only. That one wasn’t so bad.”

“Tell that to my china cabinet,” Ernie sighed.

“Finch-Fletchley was the name on the report,” Dean explained to Sam, “but the residence was listed as MacMillan, so that’s the name I put on list that we showed Dra-...um, our friend. So, Ernie here should fit into the pattern.”

“Pattern?” Ernie asked, glancing between Dean and Harry like one of them had to be lying to him. “But Harry said they were...that it was because of...”

“The apocalypse?” Dean asked, “not so much, as it turns out.”

Harry shrugged at Ernie’s disbelieving expression.

“Don’t tell me you of all people thought I was infallible,” Harry said with a laugh.

“What’s the connection?” Ernie asked. Dean glanced at Sam, and Sam glanced at Harry, and Harry glanced at Dean, and Dean shrugged, because he really wasn’t sure what decision they had reached, but the dude probably deserved to know why something had broken all his collectables.

“Blood-traitors,” Dean said. “Everyone who’s been hit by something – ‘cept for maybe one of the victims – would have been considered a blood-traitor during that war you guys had.”

Dean wasn’t sure what he expected Ernie’s reaction to be, but he was surprised when Ernie broke into a huge smile and seemed excited.

“Wait until I tell Justin,” Ernie said. “For once it’s not him they’re going after!”

Harry laughed too, and then seemed to catch Dean and Sam’s quizzical looks.

“Justin is Muggleborn – he was targeted for it on more than one occasion, and things got a bit rough for him during the war,” Harry explained. “As a result, I guess he’s become a bit paranoid, because he was certain that poltergeist had shown up because it was Justin who was looking after Ernie’s house...and not because it was some random event, or because it was Ernie’s house.”

“Anyway,” Ernie said. “It’s not like me being targeted for being a blood-traitor is good news, but hopefully it’ll mean Justin will stop doing free labour around my place as penance... on second thought, maybe I won’t tell him.”

There was a deep chuckle from the back of the room at that, and Dean and Sam both whipped around to see another guy their age leaning casually against the closed door. He was fit, with blond hair and ears that stuck out just a little bit. Down one cheek there was a faint scar, but he didn’t appear threatening or menacing at all. On the contrary, he looked sort of like an overgrown kid who had just come in from playing in the dirt.

“If you don’t tell him, I will,” the guy said. “He’s been at me for warding ingredients. Now what’s this talk about blood-traitors?”

“Neville,” Harry smiled, “mate, we miss you down at the office.”

“Neville Longbottom,” Dean smiled, placing the name to the books Harry had given them the year before. “The snake-slayer! We read about you!”

Dean nearly laughed when Neville actually blushed.

“Really?” Neville said, then glanced at Harry, “did you tell them that I’m just a herbology professor?”

“The best herbology professor!” Harry laughed, then turned to Dean and Sam and added, “He’d be a brilliant Auror, if he hadn’t loved herbology so much that he left the department.”

“Hey, nothing wrong with liking a little herb,” Dean said.

“Not that kind of herb...” Sam sighed.

“Manners, Harry, bloody hell,” Harry suddenly said. “Neville, I’d like you to meet Dean and Sam Winchester.”

“Nice to meet you,” Neville said, then winked at Harry’s look. “Hannah may have given me a little warning, even before McGonagall called the emergency staff meeting.”

“Ah, so that’s how it is now,” Harry laughed, and Neville blushed again.

Dean really couldn’t picture this guy leading an army and killing a giant people-eating snake. But then Neville suddenly turned serious, and yeah, there was a set to the jaw that was suddenly familiar.

“What’s this about blood-traitors though, Harry?” Neville asked. “Who’s bringing up that nonsense again?”

“I’ll meet with you about it at lunch,” Harry said, glancing at the clock that hung at the back of the room. “Let’s let Dean and Sam prepare for the lesson.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” Ernie said, quickly running around the desk. “I’ve got the course material you provided here, and the chalk for the blackboard is...um...by the blackboard.” Ernie then seemed to gather himself together and fixed them both with a stern look – Dean was willing to bet it was practiced. “I’m staying in the room during all lesson. I’m not leaving a pair of Hunters unsupervised amongst the children. I don’t care whether Harry Potter vouched for you or not. This whole exercise is daft in my opinion.”

“Your continued support means the world to me,” Harry deadpanned.

“It’s cool, man,” Dean reassured the guy, “whatever you feel you need to do.”

“I’d like to stay for the first half of the lesson this morning, if that’s alright,” Neville added in. “I don’t have a class at the moment, and I think...times being what they are...I should probably know this sort of stuff too.”

“Yeah, sure,” Sam said. “No problem.”

“Ernie really, calm down,” Harry said. “If anyone should be worried, it’s Sam and Dean. I mean, they’re about to face a room full of your students – I highly doubt they’ll be as well behaved as the Auror department.”

“Point to Harry there,” Neville said. “After all, I have it on good authority that he threatened the entire Auror department with suspension should they put a toe out of line around the Winchesters.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at Harry, and Harry punched Neville in the shoulder.

“Mind your own business, Professor,” Harry said, just as the door creaked and a few small faces peaked into the room. “Come on, let’s grab ourselves a seat.”

“Come on in,” Ernie called to the kids by the door, and then the doors were opening wider and more students were filling up the room. One student was easily recognizable among the others, due to the fact that his hair couldn’t decide if it wanted to be turquoise, black, or dirty blond.

Teddy smiled as he took his seat, giving Harry a wave, and then smiling at Sam and Dean broadly. Dean recognized the two boys beside him from the train station – Andrew and Iggy...who must have heard Sam and Dean’s true professions since then, because they were staring as though someone had just let them into a tiger’s cage.

The rest of the students just seemed curious – or completely distracted by the fact that Harry Potter was in the room. Speculative chatter and excitement were soon a constant buzz in the room. Dean saw Victoire take her seat in the front row, as she gave him and Sam a bright and friendly smile. The gaggle of girls around her all giggled when Dean smiled back.

“Students! Students! Listen!” Ernie called. “As you know, this is a special Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson organized by Mr. Potter. He’s kindly arranged for two experts to come in and teach you all today in non-magical defence against the dark arts. Can I please have the younger students at the front of the room and the older students towards the back – this way all will be able to see clearly.”

There were only a few who had to change seats, allowing some timid eleven year-olds to nervously come towards the front of the room. Once everyone was settled, Ernie spoke again.

“I’d like to introduce you to your visiting professors, Sam and Dean. You will all behave for them just the same as you behave for any other professor at Hogwarts.”

“Oh, I was sort of hoping they’d behave better than that,” Dean interjected. “I mean, me and Sam are way cooler than you guys.”

There was a soft patter of giggling from the students, and Ernie looked a little annoyed at Dean undermining him, but Dean just smiled and winked at him.

“I’ll be in the room at all times,” Ernie continued. “Anyone who misbehaves will serve detention. Now, this is not a practical lesson, so wands away.”

There were surprisingly deep groans from the students at that, as they put their wands in their robes, or their backpacks with suddenly drooping shoulders and pouting faces. Dean picked up at least one kid saying, “Harry Potter brings experts, and it’s not even practical... I’d have rather gone to divination.”

“Alright, listen up,” Dean said, and the students quieted, some picking up their feather pens like Dean was about to dictate an essay to them. “How many of you are allowed to use magic outside of school?”

No hands were raised.

“Alright, so, I’ll have you know,” Dean stated, “that this is a practical lesson, made especially for you. Now, what would you do if you were attacked by something in the summertime – when you aren’t at school and you can’t use magic?”

There were no hands raised at first, as the students all looked at each other. Then Dean saw Teddy smile and raise his hand.

“My man Ted, what’s your answer?” Dean smiled.

“If under immediate threat, underage wizards are allowed to use magic in self-defence,” Teddy recited.

“Excellent,” Dean replied, catching Harry’s proud nod out of the corner of his eye. “That’s true, good point. Now, how many of you bother to carry your wand around with you at all times in the summer?”

Teddy’s hand went back up, but there were only a handful of others. Some of the students were starting to realize the problem.

“Now, keep your hands up,” Dean said, “Do you bring your wand everywhere? Like, let’s say you’re in your room, and you decide to go to the kitchen for a snack...do you always bring your wand with you.”

Teddy’s hand lowed at that, so did everyone else’s.

“So, what would happen, if you got down to the kitchen, and something attacked you there?” Dean asked.

The room was silent.

“Don’t worry if you don’t know the answer,” Dean said. “This is why Sam and I are here. Now Sam’s going to hand out some papers for you all, so you can follow along. If you have any questions at any point, feel free to ask.”

As Sam handed out the papers, Dean turned to the chalk board and thought back to cheap motel rooms and backwoods cabins and loose-leaf paper and crayons swiped from roadside diners - and he couldn’t help but wonder if it would be as easy to teach a roomful of students as it was to teach just Sam.

“Alright, who can tell me about ghosts?” Sam asked behind him, as Dean picked up a piece of chalk and pressed it to the blackboard. “More specifically, who can tell me about muggle ghosts?”

As Dean wrote the first topic of the day on the board, he couldn’t help but think that at least this time, he didn’t have to teach alone.


“I’ll be honest,” Ernie said to Harry, as the morning session was winding to a close, “I didn’t expect them to be this good with children.”

Dean and Sam were busy showing the class some simple defensive moves, since they had a few minutes left before lunch. Harry tried not to dwell on the fact that they knew how to train small children perfectly. The class had run very smoothly – the youngest children had been enthralled, and the older children impressed. In the end, they had covered demons, but only to the extent of “If you see someone with black, white, red, or yellow eyes, go tell a responsible adult and alert the Auror department, then secure yourself behind salt lines.”

Of course, that was when Teddy had decided to see if he could make his eyes go all black – Harry had watched his irises darken, and caught his attention and gave him a head-shake and that had been that. Harry doubted Teddy had much control over the whites of his eyes, but nevertheless, he wasn’t willing to risk any misunderstanding with Hunters. Teddy stood out enough as it was without being mistaken for a demon as well.

“They’re full of surprises,” Harry replied, because in truth, he hadn’t expected the two hunters to be as good with kids either. It’s true, even now, Sam stood slightly awkwardly to the side as Dean showed Timothy Barnswallow how to get out of a choke hold, but Sam was gentle with the kids as they demonstrated; and, more importantly, he talked to them like they were adults, which Harry knew from experience children appreciated. Some of the smaller kids seemed intimidated by Sam’s size, but Harry could tell that the youngest Winchester was making a point to smile more to try to lessen how intimidating he appeared.

Neville had snuck out midway through the morning session, because he had a class to teach. Harry told him to meet him and Ernie in the Great Hall at lunch. He wanted to call Ron first, to see if the Auror department had gotten anywhere with the investigation now that they had possible motive. He also wanted to touch base with Hermione to see if Bobby Singer had responded to Sam’s letter yet. The Winchesters had been too busy preparing for the teaching session at Hogwarts to look into the strange engravings themselves, but Sam had assured Harry that sometimes it was faster just to ask Bobby, especially when it came to languages.

The children all groaned in disappointment as the morning session came to a close, and Dean told them the time was up. For a classroom that had spent the first part of the session sullen over the fact that there wouldn’t be magic, their moods had certainly turned around quick.

As the children filed out, Teddy ran over to Harry, his two friends in tow.

“Are you eating lunch in the Great Hall, Harry?” Teddy asked. Iggy and Andrew looked hopefully up at him from where they stood just behind Teddy.

“I’ve got some business with Professor MacMillan and Professor Longbottom,” Harry said, and then tried not to wince as Teddy’s expression fell. “So,” Harry continued, “I was wondering if you could do me a favour and keep Sam and Dean company during lunch?”

Teddy smile returned, and Iggy and Andrew both looked a little like someone had just told them to ride a hippogriff.

“Hey, Teddy,” Dean said, coming up behind the three boys. “How’d me and Sammy do? Do ya think we’d make good professors?”

“Yes!” Teddy replied. “You were great!”

“Thanks,” Dean said, and he ruffled Teddy’s hair. “How about you two?” Dean addressed Iggy and Andrew. “You think we did alright? ‘Cause I think Teddy’s here’s biased, given that his old man was the one that brought us in.”

“You were fine, Sir,” Iggy said with wide eyes. “It was very interesting.”

“Good,” Dean said, and then he paused and looked more closely at both Iggy and Andrew, both of whom seemed to shrink a bit under Dean’s stare. “I take it Ted’s told you the truth about us.” Andrew nodded timidly. “Well, you shouldn’t be scared of us alright?”

“Ok,” Andrew said.

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t be careful of Hunters,” Dean clarified, “because just like there can be bad wizards, there can also be bad Hunters. But you don’t have anything to fear from either Sam or me.”

“Yes, Sir,” Iggy said.

“Good,” Dean smiled.

“Harry has to have a meeting,” Teddy declared into the silence, “so I’m going to take you to lunch!”

“I’ll walk you down to the Great Hall,” Harry said. “Ernie and I are meeting Neville there anyway.”

“Plus, you promised cat-lady that you’d chaperone us the whole time we were here,” Dean pointed out.

“Yeah, there’s that too,” Harry nodded, “and don’t let her catch you calling her that.”

“Ah, none of you guys will tell on me, will you?” Dean asked, winking at Iggy and Andrew, both of whom laughed.

“No, Professor Dean,” Andrew said.

“Professor? That’s a new one.” Dean said. “Hey Sam, maybe we should add that to the list. We could get some tweed jackets...”

Harry laughed at Sam’s dramatic eye-roll as the group of them left the now empty classroom.


“Have you killed demons before?” Iggy asked. Teddy watched as Dean looked at Sam briefly, before lowering his voice and saying yes. Iggy and Andrew had been curious about the two Hunters since Teddy first confided in them. Now that they were sitting in relative isolation at the end of the Hufflepuff table, Teddy’s friends had decided it was time to ask as many questions as possible.

Harry and Professor MacMillan had walked them all down to the great hall. Then Harry had given a nod to Professor Longbottom, and the three wizard adults had slipped out one of the faculty doors. Lunch was always a little more informal than dinner, and some teachers didn’t come down to the great hall – and some who did, chose to eat with their house instead of sitting at the faculty table. So, it wasn’t too out of the ordinary for Dean and Sam to sit at the Hufflepuff table with Teddy and his friends. The other students seemed a little too shy to sit close though, and that suited Teddy fine. As did the fact that although he could tell Headmistress McGonagall had her eye constantly on them, she was too far away to hear any of their conversation.

“How about werewolves?” Andrew asked next. Teddy didn’t look up from his plate. He already knew the answer to this one.

“Muggle werewolves are different,” Sam said. “Remember, we talked about this in class. They can’t... there isn’t any other way.”

Teddy knew that meant that yes, they had. He wondered what would have happened if his Dad had been a muggle. How long he would have lived before someone had found him – Teddy wondered if maybe he should just be thankful that his dad lived at all, given the circumstances.

“What’s your favourite thing to do here, Teddy?” Dean suddenly asked, and Teddy looked up to find Dean smiling at him. “At school I mean? Do you play sports? Do you have a favourite part of the castle?”

“I’m not very good at sports,” Teddy smiled, feeling his hair go a little pink. “I’m too clumsy. I like the lake...down by the edge of the forest. We aren’t allowed to go in the forest, but I like just the edges...the whomping willow too. I mean, you can’t get close, but I like to watch it swat at birds.”

“Yeah?” Dean said, “Maybe if we have time you can show me.”

“Teddy’s always making us do our homework there,” Andrew complained, “even in the winter.”

“It’s nice,” Teddy defended. “No one bothers us, and Iggy needs to practice his warming charms anyway.”

“I like the Quidditch pitch,” Andrew said. “It’s cool, and someone’s always practicing – some don’t mind you watching. I want to try out for Chaser next year, I think. Aggie Price is graduating and-“

“What’s Quidditch?” Sam asked.

Teddy laughed at Iggy’s stunned expression, and Andrew’s squeal of delight. Both launched into explanations, talking over each other and interrupting each other to clarify. Sam and Dean both laughed and Teddy could tell they were doing their best to understand. Sam kept asking follow-up questions, from what Teddy could tell, he was trying to relate it to football.

When Dean rolled his eyes, and popped another ketchup covered chip into his mouth, Teddy suddenly realized that this was his window of opportunity.

“Dean, what’s going on?” Teddy asked softly, while Iggy opined loudly about the importance of the snitch.

“What’s going on with what?” Dean asked, dragging another chip through his pile of ketchup and looking at Teddy in concern.

“With Harry?” Teddy clarified. “Why’s he talking to Professor MacMillan and Prof- Neville? What’s wrong? Is there something...is there something bad happening?”

“No,” Dean said. “No, nothing...why would you think something bad was happening?”

“They were in the DA with Harry, if he has to...” Teddy tried to explain, but he didn’t know how to put it into words. “I just thought...the DA was formed to fight Voldemort, if he’s getting them together again, does that mean that...can Voldemort come back?”

“What?” Dean said. “No...no, that evil sack of shit is dead. Harry killed him dead. You understand?”

“Ok,” Teddy said, “but then...what IS going on? It must be bad...”

“No,” Dean said. “Just...don’t worry about it. It doesn’t affect you, ok?”

“How do you know?” Teddy asked. “Florence in Ravenclaw says that her mum was hit in the head by a poltergeist, and last month someone was attacked right near-“

“Teddy!” Andrew said. “You should ask Eliza if Sam and Dean can watch practice after school!”

“What?” Teddy asked.

“Is everything alright, Teddy?” Iggy asked. “You’re hair’s going grey.”

“What?” Teddy repeated, lifting a hand to his head, as though he could feel the colour.

“His hair always goes grey when he worries,” Iggy told Dean.

“Shut-up,” Teddy said. “Don’t tell them that.”

“And now he’s angry with me, see,” Iggy said, pointing to Teddy’s head again. “It goes red when he’s mad.”

“Stop talking like I’m some sort of weird creature, you wa-"

“Boys!” Dean said. “Enough.”

“Sorry, sir,” Iggy said. Teddy stared down at his plate again, and tried to force his hair to be brown.

“Teddy,” Dean said softly, “there is nothing for you to worry about, ok?”

“Ok,” Teddy said, even though he didn’t quite believe it.

“Ok,” Dean repeated, “now, we’ll have to check with Harry to make sure we have time for this...Kwiddish thing, so don’t get Sammy too excited about it.”

“Dude,” Sam said. “I’m twenty-six... you sound like Dad.”

Teddy watched as Dean’s jaw clenched oddly, and then he turned back to the table as if looking for something.

“What’s a guy got to do to get some goddamn pie around here,” Dean said. “I really deserve pie.”

An apple pie appeared in front of him. Teddy couldn’t help but laugh.

“Holy-" Dean said. “Is this for real?”

“Yes, it’s real,” Harry’s voice suddenly said from behind Teddy, “I’ll have to take you down to the kitchens if we have time...what’s this about a Quidditch practice?”

“Andrew wanted me to see,” Sam answered. Teddy realized then that Andrew was quiet and glancing back and forth between him and Iggy with concern. Teddy smiled to make sure Andrew knew that he wasn’t really that mad at Iggy – Andrew always worried. Sometimes Iggy was just a wanker, but it didn’t mean that Teddy was going to stop being friends with him.

“Well, last train out is after supper, I could call Gin and see if she minds if we have dinner here,” Harry offered.

“Can you?” Teddy asked. “You could eat dinner with us!”

“We’d have to sit up at the staff table,” Harry said, placing a hand on Teddy’s shoulder.

“Oh,” Teddy said.

“Or I suppose we could all just sneak into the kitchens...” Harry smiled. “No promises though.”

“No promises,” Teddy repeated, but he knew it was one.

“Ok, now don’t you have afternoon classes to get ready for?” Harry asked. “Sam and Dean have to get ready for their afternoon classes too, I think.”

“You didn’t eat lunch,” Teddy pointed out. “Nana Molly will be mad at you.”

Teddy laughed as Harry rolled his eyes and grabbed a sandwich off the plate in front of Dean.

“Hey!” Dean said.

“Happy?” Harry said, taking a bite. Teddy nodded. “Good. Now go get your books. We’ll come find you in your common room after school.”

“Yes, Harry,” Teddy said, and he followed Iggy and Andrew out of the great hall, waving a see you soon at Sam and Dean.

“What colour is everything now?” Teddy asked Iggy, once they were in the corridor. Iggy glanced at Teddy’s hair.

“Turquoise and black,” Iggy announced with a smile, because they all knew what that meant. Then, his eyes rested on Teddy’s eyes, and he added, “and the brightest green eyes I’ve ever seen.”

“I think I’ll keep it this way for a while,” Teddy said, his earlier worry forgotten and replaced with excitement for the end of the day.

Chapter 21
Tags: crossover, demented'verse, fic, harry potter, season 5

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  • Happy Anniversary to Me!

    *Technically, the anniversary is tomorrow - but I have two other things to post tomorrow and I didn't want to overwhelm you all. DRUMROLL.... 10…

  • Computer repaired!

    Panic is over!! Thanks for the good thoughts!

  • Broken Computer :(

    I was halfway through the rewatch for today when suddenly my keyboard stopped working - so I was like "okay, I will turn this computer off and…