Hell's Half Acre (hells_half_acre) wrote,
Hell's Half Acre

Fic: Vile Violent Vacations 14/30 (SPN/HP) PG-13, Gen

Title: Vile Violent Vacations 14/30
Author: hells_half_acre 
Fandoms: Harry Potter, Supernatural
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Genre: Gen
Warnings: Spoilers for all Harry Potter books, spoilers for Supernatural until 5x10.
Disclaimer:  This is a transformative work of fiction for entertainment purposes only.
AN: Sequel to Damned Demented Demons and Bobby and Hermione - An Epistolary Fic . Updates every Wednesday (PST).

Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13

Summary: In which the Winchesters go to the Ministry of Magic

The rest of the evening was spent at home. Sam went over what they were going to be teaching the Aurors in the morning with Dean, and Harry and Ginny mostly just spent time with the kids like Sam figured normal parents probably did. Apparently three days a week, James and Albus went to a play group, leaving Ginny at home with only Lily to worry about – which, she said, gave her plenty of time to write up her sports articles.

On Monday, the routine was slightly different. Harry actually had to wake them up with a knock on their door, because they had both passed out around 4am. After everyone had showered and eaten breakfast, Harry told them to get everything they needed for the day and meet him in the kitchen. They grabbed the duffle they had prepared, and Sam made sure his handgun was tucked firmly in the small of his back.

They had decided to wear their suits. Harry didn’t want to lie, but he also didn’t want to advertise the fact that they were Muggles. The suits not only covered the crystal pendants around their neck, but they also were more in keeping with an image of being at the Ministry on official business.

When they got back to the kitchen, it was just in time to see Ginny disappear through the fireplace in a mass of green flame, her hands firmly holding both Albus and James close to her body. Harry was standing there with Lily resting on his hip.

“Once Ginny gets back, we’ll leave,” Harry said. “We’ll take the floo, so that you can see how it works. On the off chance that we need to get out of the Ministry in a hurry, the floo is the fastest way – and also accounts for most of the exits.” Harry nodded towards the table then, and Sam saw two wands and two cloth bags that were tied tightly shut. “Those bags are filled with floo powder, you only need a bit to travel. I’ve given you enough for several trips, just in case.”

“And the wands?” Sam asked. Harry cringed a little.

“At the Ministry, we’ll have to go through security” Harry said. “They’ll ask to see your wands. If you don’t have any, it will be obvious that you're Muggles. These are old Black family wands that I found in the attic while cleaning up. I don’t know what’s in the core of them, but they’re long enough and that’s what really matters.”

“Why does that matter?” Sam asked, picking up the shorter of the two, and passing the longer one to Dean.

“Size of the wand is usually proportionate to size of the wizard,” Harry said.

Dean burst out laughing, and Sam had to bite his lower lip when he realized where Dean’s mind had gone.

“What?” Harry asked.

“Dean?” Sam said, holding out his hand, “you know we have to trade now.” Dean clutched the longer wand to his chest and looked offended. “Don’t make me get out the ruler again.”

“Oh god...” Harry muttered burying his face in his hands, as Sam and Dean traded wands. “I meant height...”

“Yeah, exactly,” Dean said with a smile, “that’s what we meant to – get your mind out of the gutter, Harry.”

The fireplace roared back to life at that moment, and Ginny appeared out of the green flame. Sam tucked the burrowed wand into his pocket and shifted his backpack. He was both insanely curious as to what travelling by fireplace felt like and nervous that it might not work for him. He almost wanted to tell Harry just to apparate them, because even though Harry said it was dangerous for Sam to do it, they had at least done it successfully more than once.

Harry said his goodbyes to Ginny, and then carefully explained how the floo worked. He told them they could all go together, but people usually only did that with children...not to mention that fitting all three of them into the fireplace at once would be nearly impossible.

Harry went first. Sam watched carefully as he threw the powder on the fire, waited until it turned green, stepped in, clearly stated “Ministry of Magic”, and then disappeared in a wash of green flame. Dean had insisted on going after Harry and before Sam – following the rules that were established before Sam could form long-term memories.

“See you in a minute, Sammy,” Dean said, perhaps a little on the nervous side. Sam waited thirty seconds after Dean disappeared before he too tossed the powder into the fireplace. It was against every instinct he had to step into the green fire, but he forced himself to – it tickles his calves, and Sam said “Ministry of Magic” before he did something stupid like accidentally laugh.

He was falling, turning, there was a blur of colours, openings, indistinguishably sounds – Sam felt like he was caught in a tornado inside duct-work. The grip on his backpack was white-knuckled and all he wanted was for it to stop.

Then it suddenly did.

“Oof,” Dean said, as he caught Sam. It was quite clear to Sam why Teddy had ended up sprawled on the floor.

“Thanks,” Sam said, righting himself quickly. “That was...”

“Dude, I think I should stop complaining about the way Cas travels,” Dean replied.

“I think so too,” Sam said as his attention shifted to where they were.

They stood in a long hallway lined with fireplaces, and Sam could see beyond them to wear the hallway opened up into a great room -a golden fountain in the middle of it.

“Welcome to the Ministry of Magic,” Harry said, looking happy. “Now, try not to look too much like tourists – I want to project the image that you might be powerful wizards, so...”

“We should pretend to be a bit snooty, right?” Dean asked. “A little like Draco, maybe?”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far – but yeah, somewhere in between me and Draco,” Harry laughed. They all knew that underneath his Auror robes Harry was just wearing jeans and an untucked dress shirt. Ginny had confided in them that she once caught him trying to go to work still wearing his flannel pyjamas.

“Lead on, Potter,” Dean said with a smile.

Sam put on a mask of indifference as they walked into the large entrance hall. He glanced at the statue in the centre of the fountain, not stopping to read the title plate on it – he instead noted the different creatures represented. One of them was a centaur. He made a mental note to ask Harry later if centaurs were actually real.

The building itself seemed to be large stone work, with great arches, and a high ceiling. A bank of glass elevators rested to one side. The ceiling was bright blue, and the floor dark wood. There were no windows, and Sam had the distinct impression that they were underground.

The people coming and going were obviously government employees. They wore robes, and some even had pointed hats, and they were all walking as though they had somewhere important to be. Most everyone found time to notice Harry though, and then cast a curious look at him and Dean directly afterward. Sam was really starting to wonder how Harry could get away with anything with this much attention focused on him at all times.

They arrived at the security desk, and Harry made small talk with the guard on duty, before launching into the cover story about Sam and Dean being expert consultants from America. The guard asked if they had their visitor badges, but Harry waved it away saying that they were officially employees for their time in Britain and didn’t need visitor badges – Harry insisting that Ron had filled out all the necessary paperwork before Christmas.

“Just the wands, then, I suppose,” the guard said. Sam and Dean both produced their wands. The guard did something and then handed Dean’s wand back to him.

“Oak with a dragon-heart string core,” the guard said, then handed Sam’s back to him, “and willow with unicorn hair.”

Sam glared at Dean’s smirk, and stuffed the wand back into his pocket. Thankfully, the guard had his head bent as he wrote in a ledger.

“That’s all I need then, have a good day, Sirs,” the guard smiled. Sam and Dean both gave him a short nod, and then followed Harry confidently through a golden arch towards a bank of elevators.

It was hard to pretend they belonged there, what with the fact that once they were in the elevator, Sam had paper airplanes and paper birds flying in lazy circles around his head. It took all his willpower not to bat at them or duck.

“Sorry,” Harry said, “It was designed before tall people were invented, I suppose.”

Once the elevator started moving, Sam was surprised to find that the numbers were counting down not up.

“I thought your office was high-up,” Dean said, when the other passengers got off on floor five, finally leaving the three of them alone in the elevator. “You had that view of London-”

“Enchanted windows,” Harry said. “The Ministry of Magic is all underground, just like the American Ministry in Boston.”

Sam took the opportunity, now that they were alone, to duck and glare at the memos that hadn’t gotten off the elevator yet. Thankfully, the elevator came to a stop at Level 2, and the elevator voice announced that Level 2 was where the Auror Office was.

They walked down a short hallway and threw some doors, and then all of a sudden it was like Sam had just walked into the White House alongside the president. Everyone seemed to jump into action, at once – moving around and picking up papers, and generally just suddenly looking extremely busy. A young kid, who looked all of eighteen, rushed forward at the sight of Harry, holding a stack of papers nervously. It was like a bull pen at a cop shop, beyond the open room there was a hallway with offices off of it, and that’s where they headed while everyone tried to look at them without it looking like they were looking at them.

“Good morning, Mr. Potter, Sir,” the kid said, then looked at Sam and Dean and added with a slight squeak to his voice, “Good morning, Gentlemen.”

“Morning, Jonathan” Harry said. Both Sam and Dean just nodded at the kid, because it was obvious he had things to report. Harry didn’t bother to stop walking as the kid spoke.

“Mr. Weasley is waiting for you in your office. There is a half hour until the training session. The Undersecretary for the Minister kindly reminds you that the monthly reports for December are due by tomorrow evening. The Department of International Magical Cooperation left a message for you to-"

“That didn’t take long,” Harry muttered.

“-call them, regarding the correct channels for liaisons with the American Ministry of Magic’s Auror-“

“That’s great, Jonathan,” Harry said. “Send them a note informing them I followed the correct channels for highly classified exchanges, and to thank them for their due diligence. Pass them Phil O’Shaughnessy’s contact information. Pass the message about the monthly reports to Ron’s secretary, it’s his turn.”

“Yes, sir,” Jonathan said. “Can I get you or your guests tea? Coffee?”

“Coffee,” Dean said. Jonathan nodded vigorously and looked to Sam.

“Make it two,” Sam said.

“None for me, Jonathan,” Harry said, coming to a stop outside of a closed door. The words Harry J. Potter, Head Auror engraved in the nameplate on the door. He dismissed Jonathan with a nod, and then opened the door to reveal Ron with his feet up on the desk eating a chocolate croissant.

“’Morning,” Ron said around a mouthful of croissant, and then, seemingly in response to a look from Harry that Sam missed, swallowed and added defensively, “I brought enough for everyone.” Ron nudged a bag on the desk with his hand.

“Oh, ok then,” Harry replied. After how authoritative he’d acted towards Jonathan, Sam was half surprised that he didn’t complain about Ron’s feet on his desk or the fact that Ron was sitting in his chair. Instead Harry just sat down on top of his desk and pulled a croissant out of the bag. Harry even folded his legs up under him like he was twelve.

“Awesome, thanks, man,” Dean said, after Harry had thrown the bag to him and he had pulled his own chocolate croissant out.

Sam just smiled his thanks and pulled over one of the other chairs in the room. There was a soft knock on the door and Jonathan poked his head in.

“Chocolate and a coffee,” Dean said, “perfect.”

“Oh, Jonathan” Harry said, reaching into his shoulder bag, and pulling out the small stack of papers that constituted the handout for the training session. Sam had neatly typed it up on Harry’s computer the night before. “Enough copies for the whole department please – including Ron and I, and one for the permanent files.”

“Yes, sir,” Jonathan replied, and then rushed back out the door.

“Alright,” Harry said. “It’s Monday, we have a half-hour before the training session, my second-in-command is here...Sam, why don’t you brief us on how the research is going and what conclusions you’ve been able to draw thus far about our recent paranormal incidents.”

Sam dutifully repeated everything he had tried to tell Harry the day before. The incidents were not connected with the apocalypse, but rather were wizard specific. Beyond not being connected to the apocalypse though, there didn’t seem to be any common threads and they didn’t know what had caused the ghosts and monsters to attack. He floated the idea that perhaps the werewolf and the ghoul were separate events altogether, and it might just be a matter of what was suddenly causing ghosts to attack wizards.

“Basically, we need to do some leg-work,” Sam concluded.

“We need to check out the houses ourselves,” Dean added. “We know what to look for, your guys don’t.”

“That’s over a dozen houses,” Ron said.

“I’ve already made an appointment to see your mother’s,” Sam stated. “We’re having lunch with her on Wednesday. We could start on the rest tomorrow.”

“But the paperwork alone-" Ron started to say.

“Dude, we don’t need paperwork, we’ll just show up and ask to see their houses,” Dean said. “I just need a road map.”

“It will take forever if you travel by car,” Harry stated. “I still have to arrange the Hogwarts lessons with McGonagall too. If Sam could apparate – we could probably do most of them in one day. As it is, I could see how many are on the floo network. That might save some time. You didn’t have any trouble with the floo-travel did you Sam?”

“I don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like,” Sam shrugged. He didn’t like it, but if it saved them time, and didn’t broadcast the fact that he was different, than it was better than nothing. ”You could always apparate me anyway – you’ve done it before. Phil even did it.”

“Sam...” Dean sighed, but Harry nodded.

“We’ll talk about. I’ll see how many houses are hooked up to the floo network and then discuss our options,” Harry replied.

There was a knock on the door and Jonathan appeared once Harry had given the command to enter.

“The men are assembled and waiting, Sirs,” Jonathan said.

Sam found himself taking a deep breath. It was one thing to plan to teach an entire wizarding police force about ghosts and demons, it was quite another to actually do it.


Ron entered the room first, taking a seat in the back row of the training room. Everyone was seated at long tables, parchment, quills and wands ready. It felt like a Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson back at school – only they were all adults, some were trainees, but some had been on the force for both wars.

Only a moment after Ron had pulled out his own parchment and quill, Harry strode into the room with the Winchesters following behind him. Dean was carrying a green duffle bag on his shoulder, and Sam had a Muggle notebook. Ron knew Harry too well to be intimidated by his presence, but the Winchesters were another matter. They looked just as intimidating as the Department’s most senior battle-hardened Aurors.

“Good Morning,” Harry addressed everyone. “Thank you for attending today.” Ron smiled at that – he could recall the term ‘mandatory’ being applied quite liberally in the announcement of the training session.

“I’d like you to meet two very important visiting associates, Sam and Dean,” Harry continued. “They are in town to consult on the increase in wizard encounters with paranormal muggle problems. They are also your instructors for today’s training session. During this training session, and furthermore, for however long they are here in Britain, I want you to treat them with the same level of respect with which you treat me. Also, while they are in town, I have decided to grant them the same level of authority as Ron - this means that for all extents and purposes, while Dean and Sam are here, I essentially have three second-in-commands. Debriefing and Confidentiality Protocols are unchanged, but should Sam and Dean issue an order, you are to follow it immediately. Understood?”

Ron watched with a small smile as the slight tremor of disbelief filtered through the room. Everyone replied with an automatic “Yes, sir”, but Ron could see that they were dumbfounded. It was the same tactic that Harry had used on him and Hermione the previous year. Harry put the Winchesters in a command position to show that not only did they have Harry’s trust, but that they were not to be trifled with.

The Winchesters themselves hardly blinked at the announcement, through Ron caught a look pass between them.

“Alright,” Harry said, then turned to Sam and Dean, “all yours then guys.”

“Thanks Harry,” Sam said, as Dean pointed to a stack of papers that had been placed on the desk at the front.

“Hand those out for us, Harry,” Dean ordered, and Ron grinned, wondering if Dean was testing the limits of his authority already. There was a slightly wicked glint in Harry’s eye though, and Ron watched as he pulled his wand out and said a quick spell that had the papers flying through the room quickly and landing in front of each of the assembled Aurors.

Ron watched as Dean shook his head and smiled at Harry, before Harry sat down.

“Ok,” Dean said. “That was the last bit of magic that’s going to be allowed in this training session, so I hope you enjoyed it. Please put your wands away, and do not take them out again unless directed by myself or Sam.”

If they had been in school, that command would have been met with groans, but here, it was just met with slight confusion and surprise. The Aurors all slipped their wands back into the holsters under their robes.

“Alright,” Sam said. “Now, who can tell me about ghosts – Muggle ghosts?”

Ron watched as Maria answered Sam, explaining how Muggle ghosts tended to be malevolent and the bones had to be salted and burned for them to be put to rest. She didn’t, however, know how to protect against them without magic. Henry Gibbons knew about salt, but no one knew about iron.

Ron followed along in the handout. Flipping ahead to see how it followed a progression - ghosts, poltergeists, ghouls, shapeshifters, vampires, werewolves, demons – all with brief descriptions, tracking tips, and lists of what deters and/or kills each one. There were appendixes – an exorcism, a diagram of a devil’s trap, the standard blessing spell to create holy water.

The Winchesters moved slowly through each enemy outlined in the handout, and mentioned a few rarer ones that they hadn’t included too. They spoke with authority and patience that Ron had come to associate with Professor McGonagall – the sort of voice that seemed to say “you are an idiot, but you’ll learn.”

They displayed their weaponry, explaining carefully the use of salt shotgun rounds and silver bullets. It was quickly pointed out that Aurors don’t carry Muggle guns, so the information was pretty useless. Dean just rolled his eyes and told them that they had been asked there to explain what to use instead of magic and that therefore that’s what they were doing – they didn’t care whether it was applied or not.

Ron caught Harry’s eye at several moments during the training session, and they shared a smile. It was easy to tell that although the Aurors obviously knew that they were being taught about the tools used by Hunters, they hadn’t actually clued into the fact that Sam and Dean were Hunters themselves. In the weeks that it had taken Harry to set this up, he had only ever told the other Aurors that he was inviting “Hunter Experts from America” – and when everyone made the assumption that the visitors were Aurors who kept tabs on the Hunters, not actual Hunters themselves, neither he nor Harry corrected them.

They broke for lunch after a brief discussion of vampires and how it was important to establish their threat level before lopping off their heads. Harry had Jonathan bring them lunch in Harry’s office. They all agreed it had gone exceptionally well so far, and mostly spent the time discussing the logistics of Sam and Dean’s investigation, rather than the training session. Ron ended up with a ton of paperwork, as he had predicted. Harry spent his time composing a letter to Professor McGonagall about having the Winchesters teach at Hogwarts.

After lunch, it was all demonology. Sam and Dean laid out the crude hierarchy that could be distinguished by demon eye colour. Dean explained how demon possession made a wizard’s magic volatile and unpredictable, but that didn’t mean that demons couldn’t possess wizards – it just meant that they were more dangerous when they did, because even the demon couldn’t be sure what might happen.

All in all the training session went without a hitch.

“You’ll have to cut it down for the kids,” Harry said as they watched the Aurors leave the training room after it was all over.

“Yeah, we won’t go as in depth with the students,” Sam said, “just the basics.”

“We’ll also leave off the weapons demonstration,” Dean said.

“Probably a good idea,” Harry said. “Let’s go back to my office and see if Professor McGonagall has written back yet. Ron? Could you start calling about the home visits?”

“Yes, Harry,” Ron replied.

Ron decided to go to the lunch room to get a coffee before he called Mr. Abbott, who was first on the list. As he approached, he couldn’t help but overhearing the conversation already taking place inside.

“Who do you think they are?” He heard Whitehead ask. Ron slowed and stopped just out of sight beside the open door. “I checked their roaster for the American department and there aren’t any Sams or Deans listed. Does anyone even know their last names?”

“They must be special forces or something,” someone, who was probably Smithson replied, “Maybe undercover among the Hunters? Do you think they do that over there. They look...I mean, they’re young, but man, I couldn’t decide who was more intimidating, them or Harry.”

“That’s the other thing,” Whitehead said. “Since when does Harry give anyone that kind of authority, besides Weasley, or Longbottom when he was here. Everyone knows he only trusts his old friends. And did you see them when they were doing demonstrations – they didn’t ask Harry to help them demonstrate. They ordered him, and he obeyed, just like that.”

Ron thought back to the session – remembering how they had, in a response to a question about how to defend yourself from a physical attack without a wand, shown some basic hand-to-hand defensive moves. In order to show that anyone could pull off the moves, Dean had ordered Harry to come up to the front so that Sam could attack him. It was a very effective demonstration due to the height and weight difference. Ron knew that Sam had let Harry disable him – he had attacked as though he were an untrained monster, not a born and raised Hunter.

“They probably had it all planned out beforehand,” Smithson reasoned. “Besides, would you have refused if they’d ordered you to do something? I don’t think I would.”

“I don’t know,” Whitehead said. “Maybe you’re right. I certainly don’t want to get on the wrong side of them. I have a feeling they’d come out on top – and that’s saying something.”

“Yeah, yeah, you were duelling champion three years in a row...blah blah blah,” Smithson replied, “nice to know it hasn’t gone to your head.”

“You’re not wrong,” Ron finally said, rounding the corner into the break room. “Getting on the wrong side of Sam and Dean would be the last thing you’d do.”

Both Whitehead and Smithson looked at him with wide-eyes. Smithson seemed to choke a little on the coffee he was drinking.

“Who are they really?” Whitehead asked. “You’ll tell us, won’t you Ron. What kind of wizards know that much about Hunting? If they’re so powerful, how come we’ve never heard of them? You and Harry have been obsessing more about their visit than you have about the bloody apocalypse!”

“That’s all confidential,” Ron replied. It had been his and Harry’s standard reply for nearly a month. “What I will say, however, is that I’ve seen Dean kill a Dementor without magic. I’ve seen Sam harness more magic than he should be capable of... Who they are, whether they’re special undercover forces or not, whether their names are actually Sam and Dean - none of that matters. What matters is that Harry and I trust them completely, and you are to obey them as you would Harry or I while they are here.”

“Yes, sir,” Smithson said, while Whitehead still looked a little put out.

“Also,” Ron said, looking directly at Whitehead, “don’t assume that our visitors and the issue of the apocalypse don’t have anything to do with each other.”

“Yes, sir,” Whitehead replied.

Ron nodded and retrieved the coffee that he had come for, Whitehead and Smithson fell silent behind him.

“Hey Ron?” Dean’s voice came from the doorway, Ron turned around in time to see Dean nod to Smithson and Whitehead. “Harry wants to know if you can work on Thursday.”

“Shouldn’t be a problem,” Ron answered, realizing that Harry only ever asked Ron to come in on one of his shop-days if Harry himself wasn’t going to be in the office. “Where’s he going to be?”

“Hogwarts with us,” Dean answered. Ron smiled.

Chapter 15
Tags: crossover, demented'verse, fic, harry potter, season 5

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  • S11 DVD Special Features

    This post is super short! On the Set with SPN: The Real Fan Contest Michael Banh from Oregon and Cici Brown - friend of Michael's from tumblr...…

  • Rewatch S11: Alpha and Omega (11x23)

    FINAL S11 REWATCH EPISODE! Oh man, I always forget about Carry On... like, how can I forget about this every year? But I do! And we pick up where…

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    Rewatches! We only have two episodes to go - I should have just done both of them today, but I got super lazy and watched documentaries on youtube…