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Dread

So, I was going to do another rewatch tonight, but instead I spent the night getting pissed off at my contracting company and trying to decide what I'm going to do about the future.

Right now, I really want to quit this job at the end of March 2013 (when my current contract is finished.) The only problem with that is that last time I tried to get a different job, I was unsuccessful... and I can't afford to be unemployed again...especially not in Vancouver.

I've been offered a job in China, but I'm not going to take it for financial reasons and because I don't want to live in China. (You can't access LJ from there.) 

There's a possibility my oldest sister could get me a job in Toronto - which would mean moving back east.

I don't know. I can't decide where I want to be or what I want to do. 

I have tickets to VanCon2013 and the first draft of a novel that I hate more with each passing day.... for whatever those are worth.

Anyway...yeah, I'll resume rewatches tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be in a better mood.

ETA: I meant to flock this, but then I forgot, and now I might as well just leave it.

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Comments

( 36 comments — Leave a comment )
thursdaysisters
Oct. 26th, 2012 05:07 am (UTC)
Could you telecommute the China job?
hells_half_acre
Oct. 26th, 2012 05:24 am (UTC)
No, and even if I could, it doesn't pay enough. It pays well for China, but not if you have Canadian debt and are living in a Canadian city.
(no subject) - thursdaysisters - Oct. 26th, 2012 05:31 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hells_half_acre - Oct. 26th, 2012 05:34 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - thursdaysisters - Oct. 26th, 2012 05:38 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hells_half_acre - Oct. 26th, 2012 05:40 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - thursdaysisters - Oct. 26th, 2012 05:44 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hells_half_acre - Oct. 26th, 2012 05:45 am (UTC) - Expand
metallidean_grl
Oct. 26th, 2012 05:07 am (UTC)
I know how you feel and I totally empathize. My last full-time job I hated it so much, it was painful. I was miserable, I hated going to work, I literally hated my days. I started looking for something else but just couldn't find anything. And then I was layed off, so that solved my desire to leave the company. Since then I had some temp jobs and now I work part-time somewhere that I enjoy, but I don't get enough hours, but it's all I have been able to find, especially with the economy the way that it is and the job market being so sucky.

Anyway, I don't know if you have gotten to that point of literally dreading going to work, but if you have, that is no way to live. To me, it is just not worth it to be so miserable at work that you have a sense of dread in your stomach every morning. And literally get sick every Sunday night. I hope you are able to figure out what you want/need/should do. You gotta do what is right for you.
hells_half_acre
Oct. 26th, 2012 05:23 am (UTC)
Sadly, I have dreaded going to work for nearly 3 years now - and it IS horrible. It's nearly impossible for me to wake up in the mornings, and as much as I say it's because I'm a night owl, I'm positive that it's all psychologically based on how much I hate my job.

Anyway...yeah, I have to figure something out. This is getting ridiculous.
(no subject) - metallidean_grl - Oct. 26th, 2012 01:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hells_half_acre - Oct. 26th, 2012 08:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
fourtenpm
Oct. 26th, 2012 06:08 am (UTC)
I think u get lj in China, it's all the other sites such as YouTube, twitter, Facebook, etc that you have to be gymnastics to get access to.
hells_half_acre
Oct. 26th, 2012 06:17 am (UTC)
You couldn't get it last time I was there. But, yeah, regardless of internet access, I don't want to live in China. Though, I always enjoy visiting.
franztastisch
Oct. 26th, 2012 11:01 am (UTC)
I can't decide where I want to be or what I want to do.

Welcome to my life. :/

So what is it that means you don't want to move back to Toronto? Or is this just a complete "I'm not sure" deal? And what is the Toronto job?
hells_half_acre
Oct. 26th, 2012 08:25 pm (UTC)
It's just a complete "I'm not sure" deal. I like my life here. I also miss the family and friends that I left back in Ontario/Quebec when I moved out here.

The Toronto job doesn't actually exist, so I don't know what it would be. I just know that my eldest sister really wants me to move back and she might be able to help find me a job if I decide to. She works in publishing... which is an area I wouldn't mind working in. Anything she found me wouldn't be that interesting though - I mean, I'd probably just be an admin assistant... but it would probably be better than what I'm currently doing.
(no subject) - franztastisch - Oct. 26th, 2012 08:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hells_half_acre - Oct. 26th, 2012 08:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - franztastisch - Oct. 26th, 2012 08:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hells_half_acre - Oct. 26th, 2012 08:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - franztastisch - Oct. 26th, 2012 09:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hells_half_acre - Oct. 26th, 2012 09:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
dairygirl
Oct. 26th, 2012 11:34 am (UTC)
It's always tough to be in a position where you just don't know which way to go. And I'm sorry your novel is being stubborn. Hopefully, a good night's sleep will help and maybe some time spent journaling may help? I'm pulling for you!
hells_half_acre
Oct. 26th, 2012 08:23 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I did have a lovely nights sleep. :)
khek
Oct. 26th, 2012 02:33 pm (UTC)
(((Hugs)))

I wish I could help more than that. However, I hope that things get better, or that an obvious solution presents itself soon.
hells_half_acre
Oct. 26th, 2012 08:22 pm (UTC)
Thank you :)

((hugs))
nanloo
Oct. 26th, 2012 06:52 pm (UTC)
Poor you. Here are somc chocolates and a big hug.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our little Supernatural bubble,that we forget about RL until it shows its ugly head.

Real sorry that your book has hit a snag.
China? Hmm, kind of like the food, on occasion it is ok, but as a regular diet, not too good.

Perk to the job in Toronto: get to see your sister and her family more. I don't know if that would be a good thing or not, but it is something to consider.

It is not as if you have to make a decision right now. So, take a deep breath and go do something that would make you happy. Go get some ice cream. :))


Edited at 2012-10-26 06:53 pm (UTC)
hells_half_acre
Oct. 26th, 2012 08:22 pm (UTC)
Thanks. :)

I love the food in China. Though, ordering anything with chicken is annoying because they just throw the whole bird in there, so you end up picking your way around feet and beaks. Gross.

Being closer to some of my family members WOULD be a perk of moving to Toronto. Mind you, it would mean I was further away from the sister that I have here. So, maybe I can't win!

But true, I don't have to make this decision now. I just let myself fall into a pit of useless depression. I will watch more SPN tonight and go back to ignoring all my problems. :P
(no subject) - nanloo - Oct. 26th, 2012 10:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hells_half_acre - Oct. 26th, 2012 10:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - nanloo - Oct. 26th, 2012 10:17 pm (UTC) - Expand
borgmama1of5
Oct. 27th, 2012 04:08 am (UTC)
Firstly, hugs :)

Secondly, don't write off (ha, pun) your novel! I apologize for not getting back to you faster, but there are definitely good things in it and I want to give it the attention it deserves when I review it.

Third, the job situation is incredibly tough...but I've seen enough of you to know you think 'outside the box'...and I've lived enough to know that sometimes a person stumbles onto what they should be doing while looking for something else. Don't get trapped, even if money is a scary thing.

I still think Supernatural needs you as official documentor :)
hells_half_acre
Oct. 27th, 2012 04:21 am (UTC)
Thank you! *hugs back*

I haven't written off the novel yet...I'm just... a little frustrated, and we're all our own worst critics. I think it started strong but then got progressively weaker. I just need to figure out where and how it went wrong. I don't want to give up on it yet, because I love my characters and I want them to live outside my own brain.

Thanks for the support about my stupid job too. I think I just have to hold out and keep looking for something else over the next few months. It's just...daunting, and discouraging.

Haha, I'd love to be the official documentor on Supernatural. Lord knows they need one sometimes. ;)

Edited at 2012-10-27 04:22 am (UTC)
traveling_storm
Oct. 27th, 2012 07:33 am (UTC)
I don't want to live in China. (You can't access LJ from there.)

Not that it makes a difference, but um, yes you can. I'm in Shanghai.
hells_half_acre
Oct. 27th, 2012 07:44 am (UTC)
Oh, okay, well... weird, when I was there in 2009, I couldn't. But I guess things change! It doesn't really matter anyway, my friend there works through proxies and can access anything he wants now. Same way I can watch stuff on the BBC even though I'm in Canada. Yay technology!
(no subject) - traveling_storm - Oct. 27th, 2012 12:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
( 36 comments — Leave a comment )

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