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I am a cement-mixer of emotions

1. Someone I know died. We had a professional relationship 4 years or so ago, and had been out to beer a few times (in the context of professionalism of course). I posted a link to a newspaper article about his death (because he was a notable dude) on facebook. I expected some "that's too bad"s...but instead I got a lot of "I'm sorry"s. Which I thought was odd. Am I supposed to be sadder? I mean, it's sad...but it's not really a loss for me, you know? I hadn't spoken to him in years. I never know how sad I'm supposed to be when people die. I wasn't really sad when my grandparents died...does that make me a horrible person? When my cat was hit by a car and killed, I sobbed uncontrollably and slept for three days. I need some sort of chart that tells me what the socially acceptable emotional responses are to various life-events.

2. I'm finally getting to the chapters in Vile Violent Vacations that I've been writing in my head for almost a whole year. I'm hoping that once I hit them, the writing will go much faster (after all, I have gone over these scenes mentally countless times). That being said, because I know I'm getting close, finishing the chapter before I hit them is going at a snails pace, because I JUST WANT TO GET THERE. Seriously, these scenes are going to kick ass (I hope).

3. So, as I mentioned before, I lost my contract with the gov't. I'm still employed with the contracting company, and they MIGHT transfer me over to another project....but.... I was going to get another part-time job at the end of August anyway, but now I'm wondering if I should try to find another full time job...or if perhaps I'll get back to Vancouver, meet with the contracting company about transferring me to another project, only to have them tell me that they really don't have a place for me and I should find another full time job. The last time I was unemployed, I was unemployed for a full-year...so part of me is really freaking out about being unemployed. That being said, I was REALLY picky that year - this time I can just take whatever the heck receptionist position I can find. Also, I really hated my job and have been wanting to find a new one for almost two years...so, really, this is probably just the push I need.

4. I just got back from the dentist and my teeth are great and "beautiful" and I am probably TOO proud about this fact....but I am seriously SUPER PROUD of myself for having great teeth. My Mum was all like "it's genetics!" but I'm telling you - I brush and floss and I don't drink pop...and I think I have the right to be super proud of my teeth, thank you very much. I practically have movie-star teeth! 

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( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
auriliawestlake
Aug. 10th, 2010 12:39 am (UTC)
Don't feel bad that you don't feel bad - when my grandpa died, I was the only one of the entire family who saw it as 'good riddance to bad rubbish', but then again, I'm also the only one left on that side of the family that my grandparents (and hence all my aunts/uncles/cousins/etc) disapproved of. And when Dad died, my main reaction was 'who will fix my car for me now?' - to this day, I miss more what Dad could and did do for me than the man himself.
hells_half_acre
Aug. 10th, 2010 03:07 am (UTC)
yes, when my professional-friend died, my first reaction was "now who will I use as a reference?" then I felt rather bad for thinking that, because he really was a nice guy and a good friend - and it's a great loss for the field he works in. I was mostly bummed that I then had to break the news to the woman who actually was in love with him once upon a time...and that sucked. But yeah...it's not that I'm not sad about it, it's just that I'm not THAT sad about it.

I just wasn't that close with my grandparents...and for the most part, it's not like their deaths were a surprise. I'm sure if my Mum died I'd be devastated.
trystan830
Aug. 10th, 2010 01:47 am (UTC)
1. everyone grieves differently. i don't remember what emotions i went through when my grandfather died when i was in HS, and then my other grandfather and a grandmother died in 02. but i do remember crying (like you) when my cats died - we've lost 4 cats in 5 years. it's.... different. and it's different for you too.

2. ooooh very cool. i can't wait to read your kick-ass scenes. =)

4. oh yaaay!!! you're allowed to be proud of your teeth. =)
hells_half_acre
Aug. 10th, 2010 03:12 am (UTC)
1. Since I've been able to form memories, we've had 5 cats...2 of which left me absolutely devastated when they died, and 2 of which I saw their deaths coming and I was not sad at all. My friend's death, I did not see coming (he was only 46), but, like I said, I hadn't spoken to him in years and these things happen.

2. Hopefully you like them!

4. Yay!
trystan830
Aug. 10th, 2010 03:13 am (UTC)
1.*hugs*

2. i'm sure i will!
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )